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Oh CSI, you suck so much you should be a prostitute

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 17:27:47 GMT

I realized that I haven't posted in two months so I figured I'd start off with a short bitch session about CSI. Rant behind the cut for those that are still unspoiled.

Hey. I've seen this episode, only the first time it was on Myth Busters. No, really, I saw the guys do the exact same thing months ago (Episode 80: Big Rig Myths orig air date June 6, 2007) and it was a lot more dramatic and suspenseful when they did it. And I'm sure I remember seeing one of those totally dark restaurants on something, though it escapes me at the moment.

Once again CBS and CSI are shoving teh hetro down our throats. Ooh, the sexual tension is back between Catherine and Warrick <--that was my sarcastic voice by the way, I know it sounds a lot like my regular voice<-- the GSR is as sickening as ever and neither one was believable. I've seen oil and water have more chemistry than those two couples share.

I am seriously breaking up with this show. I may stay to watch the train wreck until Jorja's last episode, because no matter how badly the writers and producers screw up the show, I shill have a hardcore ~~lust~~crush on her and will take what I can get. But once she's gone, so am I. CSI has gotten to be almost as big a train wreck as LAO: SVU.

In other news, it's been three months since I had a cigarette. That is longer by a month than any other time I've ever tried to quit. I feel really good about it this time. I quit because I decided it was time, not because someone told me I had to.

And I seem to have somehow managed to acquire a personal life. Amazing I know, but it's true. For such an introvert, going out every weekend and one or two nights during the week can be kinda disconcerting. Especially since I try to ride my mtn bike every chance I get. It hasn't left me with much extra time. I barely turn on my computer at home, maybe five minutes to check emails. I usually get home in time to take a shower and fall into bed. Hell, right now I'm at work and not supposed to be playing around with personal stuff but we are absolutely dead and I forgot to bring anything with me this morning.

My new group of friends is really great. Big Michelle looks just like Reba. Little Michelle could be a double for one of my cousins. There are also two Sarah's and two Jamie's. THey are a really fun group but they are super close, as in half of them have at one time or another dated. But they seem to have accepted my, though I started out as 'Sarah's friend' Big Michelle and I have started hanging out independently of the group.

I finally conquered the Big Drop at Stanky Creek! This hill is huge, about forty feet long at about a fifty degree angle. It has intimidated me from the first second I saw, but I finally got my courage together and now I own that bitch. I also entered my first mountain bike race The Fifth (almost) Annual Legend of Stanky Creek. I did pretty well. I was the only one in my class (beginner women over 35) at the time trials, so I had to start with the beginner men's group. I took a little over two minutes off my best time on the yellow trail. There was one other woman in my group in the cross country, but it definitely wasn't her first race. I was still only five minutes behind her even though I some overheating issues. It might not have been that much if I hadn't done the time trial the day before, sitting out in the 97 degree heat all day (us beginners didn't get to start until a little after 5:30) and then hitting the trial hard had already drained. Then my cross country race didn't start until a little after 2:30 and the temp was again over 97. The heat index was over a hundred. But I finished. I'll start training for it earlier next year.

I'm not giving up chocolate

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 02:29:46 GMT

So, I quit smoking. It's been 24 days since I had my last cigarette. Sometimes I'm fine, like I'm not trying to break a twenty-three year, pack a day, habit. Other times, it's all I can think about. I even had a dream about it last night. In the dream I told someone to give me a cigarette and they told I shouldn't because I had quit and I said it had been three weeks so it would be ok if I had one.

If I don't sit still, it's easier. Once I stop moving, I get bored. When I get bored, I want to smoke. Of course it really doesn't help when everyone keeps asking how I'm doing. I do appreciate their interest, but it seems like every time I manage to get my mind focused on something else, someone brings it up.

I quit drinking when I was twenty-two. I started eating a lot healthier in the last year, I might get fast food once a month, and I don't buy junk food when I go to the store. The last thing I have is chocolate, and I don't care if scientists suddenly tell me that it's poison, I'm not giving it up.

Fic: Breaking Spring 4

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 01:21:44 GMT

Title: Breaking Spring – Chapter 4
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They’re mine! Mine I tell you. I stole them fair and square. When CBS goes to rehab and stops ruining them I’ll give them back.
Archiving: P&P and ShatterStorm Productions
Summary: The murder of a young woman on spring break, reveals a connection between Sara and Sofia neither knew they had.
Spoilers: Everything up through season 7 is game.
Authors Notes: For my own sanity and health I have decided that the only thing GSR stands for is Gun Shot Residue. Many thanks to ariestess for the beta help.

Chapter | 1 | 2 | 3

Breaking Spring

Sara’s first impression of Kory Sutton had been less than stellar. He was the personification of a frat boy player right down to his button down shirt hanging open to reveal six-pack abs and a scantily clad bleach-blonde wrapped around him like a gaudy fashion accessory. Somehow he managed to keep the girl’s entire focus on him, while he blatantly ignored her for the shapely backside of a gyrating redhead a few feet away.

No, Sara hadn’t been impressed with Kory then, and once they had him back at the precinct, her opinion only got lower.

Kory ran a hand through his hair and gave the two women across from him his most charming grin. “Look it’s too bad she’s dead, she was pretty hot when she wasn’t whining or wanting to talk about our feelings. Hell, she wasn’t even that bad in the sack, once I taught her a few things. But I don’t know what you want from me. She broke up with me last night and I haven’t seen her since.”

Sara wanted to wipe the smirk off his face so badly, she could taste it, like a bitter pill stuck in the back of her throat. “Carmen broke up with you because she caught you playing tonsil hockey with her so-called friend. She slapped you, embarrassed you in front of the whole club. Maybe you decided to get even with her.”

“What, you think that bothers me? I was going to dump her ass when we got back to school anyway. She’d turned into a total dead fish lately. Men have needs, and if you’re not even going to try to keep a guy satisfied, you shouldn’t be surprised when he goes somewhere else. Hell, she was lucky I waited two weeks. And that little pat on the face…that was nothing, it didn’t even hurt. I didn’t kill anyone and I have an alibi. You can check with Britney, we were together all night long. We even managed to get a little bit of sleep.” Kory winked and leered at the blonde across from him. The way she filled out that shirt…damn. The brunette beside her wasn’t bad either. He certainly wouldn’t kick either one out of his bed. Not until he was finished with them anyway.

“Then you won’t mind giving us your finger prints and a DNA sample.” Sara tried to keep her voice neutral, despite the fact that she would have liked nothing better than to pluck the little creep’s eye out. The entire time they’d been in the interrogation room, his gaze hadn’t gotten any higher than their chests.

“Sorry, but I’m not comfortable with that. You’re going to have to get a warrant.”

Sara wasn’t really disappointed; she hadn’t expected him to cooperate. Of course there were other ways to get prints and DNA. She made sure to snap her rubber gloves as she pulled them on.

Sofia grinned as the CSI snatched up the empty soda can the young man had been drinking from and Kory’s eyes widened in surprise. It appeared he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. During the entire interview he had tried so hard to appear relaxed and unconcerned, and he had done a fairly decent job of it, too. But now he was definitely looking nervous.

Xxx

“What do you think?”

Sara flopped into the chair in front of Sofia’s desk with a loud sigh. “I think he’s a complete ass and we have to wait for the evidence. But my gut feeling… he did it. I just don’t why.”

Sofia studied the obviously tired woman across from her and didn’t really like what she saw. The dark circles under Sara’s eyes alone were enough to make her concerned. But it was the gaunt look to the lanky brunette’s face that really caught her attention. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Huh?” The sudden change of topic was a little too much for Sara’s sleep-deprived brain to keep up with.

“Food. You know that thing you’re supposed to consume three times a day? It’s one of the basic requirements for sustaining life. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, any of this ringing a bell? When was the last time something besides coffee passed your lips?” A scowl appeared on the lanky brunette’s face and at first Sofia was able to keep her mirth contained to merely a smile. But as the frown lines deepened and Sara’s eyes darkened, she couldn’t keep the laughter bottled up.

“I don’t have time to eat.” Sara stood, wanting to get away as fast as possible. She really wasn’t in the mood to be made fun of after having to listen to that misogynistic pig. “I’ve got too much work to do.”

Sofia leapt from her seat and barely managed to get a hold of the indignant woman’s arm before she could get out the door. “Hey come on, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you, honestly. I missed lunch today and I’m starving, I know you have to be famished. It’ll take thirty minutes, forty-five tops; the evidence will still be there. Please?”

Sara was taken aback. First the blonde had helped her process the crime scene and now she was trying to feed her. She didn’t know where this sudden concern for her wellbeing was coming from, and her first instinct was not to trust it. But the sincerity in Sofia’s crystal blue eyes stopped her cold. The detective really was worried about her. Sara wasn’t sure how to react.

Normally she’d brush the other woman off, not wanting anyone to think her weak in any way, and storm back to the lab to work until she dropped. But for some reason Sofia was making an effort, extending an olive branch, and Sara found she really wanted to accept it. The brunette had no idea if it would last, but she certainly wouldn’t find out if she didn’t try to meet the detective half way. Maybe this was her chance to forge a real friendship with Sofia, the way she had with Grissom. In that case, she’d be stupid not to take it; you could never have too many friends.

Besides if she was honest with herself, she really was starving. She had been working for nearly two days straight and had many many more hours ahead of her. It probably wouldn’t hurt to get a little something to eat. “Yeah, ok, but if you start making fun of me again, I’ll stick you with the check.”

Sofia grinned in triumph. “Done.”

Xxx

The silence was awkward for Sofia, but she couldn’t tell if Sara felt the same way. The brunette had been staring out the diner’s window since they’d sat down, lost somewhere in her thoughts and shredding napkins into confetti. This was the perfect opportunity to begin the process of getting to know the lanky woman but the blonde wasn’t sure how to start. Sure, they never really had a problem talking about work, but when it came to having a conversation about anything outside of forensics…they always seemed to be at a loss. Unfortunately she was afraid that if she tried to break the ice with anything that wasn’t work related the extremely private woman would clam up. She needed to ease into the more personal stuff. “What I don’t get is why these kids wanted to come to Vegas for spring break.”

The feeling of being watched crawled over Sara’s consciousness like an insect, tickling her nerve endings just enough to bring her back to her surrounding. Looking up into expectant blue eyes, the brunette realized that she had been so caught up in the past that she had no idea that the blonde had spoken to her, much less what Sofia had said. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sofia gave the brunette an indulgent smile. “I said I don’t know why anyone would want to come to Vegas for spring break. Half those kids aren’t old enough to gamble or drink. How much can they actually do here? When I was in college, Florida was the place to go.”

“Well most students don’t have the money to gamble so that’s probably not an issue for them, but being underage in a club doesn’t mean much. As long as one person is over twenty-one, everyone is going to be drinking. I understand what you’re saying, though. The one time I saved up enough money to actually go somewhere for spring break, a group of us went to Florida. After being cooped up all winter, all anyone wanted was to lie in the sand and soak up the sun, and get plastered every night. But maybe it’s just what they said. They can go to the beach everyday if they want, so why not do something different?” Sara had thought about that trip a lot in the last year, she still had mixed feelings about it. She’d had her heart broken twice that week, first by her boyfriend, a guy that bore an uncanny resemblance to Kory Sutton in actions and attitude if not looks, and then by a complete stranger. But if it hadn’t happened, she might have never discovered the part of herself that she had only recently found the courage to explore.

It wasn’t the brunette’s deepest darkest secrets, but the blonde was more than pleased that the enigmatic Sara Sidle had shared even that tiny tidbit. “The best trip I ever went on was to Miami.” Sofia smiled at the memory. “It actually changed my life.”

Sara had to admit she was curious. Her own spring break experience had changed her life as well, but judging from the dreamy grin on the other woman’s face it seemed as if it was a much more pleasant memory for Sofia than it was for her. The brunette waited for the blonde to continue, but after a minute it seemed as if the detective was caught up in her own memories of the past. She knew the polite thing to do would be to wait for Sofia to come back on her own, however patience had never been one of CSI’s virtues. As luck would have it though, the waitress arrived and set their meals on the table with a thump before Sara could open her mouth.

Even though her was stomach cramping at the mere smell of the food in front of her, Sara was willing to wait a few more minutes if it meant finding out what had affected the detective to the point where she would zone out in the middle of a conversation. Her stomach however had other ideas, and it made them known, loudly. She grinned sheepishly at the other woman before ducking her head and digging into her food. She really didn’t want to give her body another opportunity to embarrass her.

The blonde had been so lost in her memories, of long tanned legs and soulful brown eyes, she had completely forgotten where she was. The sudden intrusion by the waitress brought Sofia back to the present with a jolt. For a moment she locked eyes with the CSI, and felt the blood rush to her face. Her discomfort at drifting off was quickly replaced by amusement though when Sara’s stomach did a rather good imitation of a pissed off rottweiler and the brunette broke eye contact to start eating.

Sofia eagerly dove into her own meal, but found the woman across from her much more interesting. Sara was wolfing down her vegetarian lasagna like a starved animal. She didn’t think that the brunette was even chewing her food. It certainly looked like she had made the right choice in getting the lanky woman to join her.

Sara could feel the blonde’s eyes on her, but didn’t slow down. She didn’t think she could even if she wanted to. Once the first bite of food had passed her lips, her already ravenous hunger had seemingly increased ten fold. Now she was merely a slave to her stomach.

As Sara gulped down the last bite of food on her plate, Sofia swore she saw the brunette eying her fries. She started to push them toward her companion, but before she could slide the plate across the table, the unmistakable beeping sound of an incoming text message stopped her.

Sara quickly read the message and had her wallet out before she even snapped her phone shut. “Doc Robbins just finished with Carmen Weiser’s autopsy.”

Sofia pushed the brunette’s money back toward her. “I’ve got this, Sara.”

“You do know I was only joking about sticking you with the check, right? Besides, I already owe you a cup of Greg’s coffee.”

“I know, but I was the one that suggested it and I upset you. If it makes you feel better, you can get the next one.” Sofia grinned at the surprised but happy smile on the brunette’s face.

“Sure, next time it’s my treat.” Maybe Sara was right for once. Maybe the blonde really did want to work on a real friendship. Besides, these days Sara certainly never minded spending time with a beautiful woman. And Sofia was most definitely gorgeous; especially in that tailored blue shirt she was so fond of wearing. It was just too bad the detective was straight.

TBC

Fic: Breaking Spring 3

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:38:49 GMT

Title: Breaking Spring – Chapter 3
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They’re mine! Mine I tell you. I stole them fair and square. When CBS goes to rehab and stops ruining them I’ll give them back.
Summary: The murder of a young woman on spring break reveals a connection between Sara and Sofia neither knew they had.
Archiving: P&P and ShatterStorm Productions
Spoilers: Everything up through season 7 is game.
Authors Notes: For my own sanity and health I have decided that the only thing GSR stands for is Gun Shot Residue. Many thanks to ariestess for the beta help.

Chapters | 1 | 2 |

Breaking Spring – 3

“Thank you for coming down Ms. Tavers.” Sofia gestured for the scared brunette to take a seat in front of the desk as she and Sara sat down behind it.

“Is Carmen really dead? Someone really killed her?” Melissa Tavers stared at the two women opposite of her, praying that there had been some sort of mistake.

“I’m very sorry, but she really is.” For Sofia this had always been one of the worst parts of the job. Having to tell someone that their loved one was gone had always made her feel helpless. ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, no matter how sincerely you said it, it always sounded so damn trite.

“Oh god. What happened? How did she…? Oh god.” A sob tore its way out of Melissa’s throat. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way someone as sweet and kind as Carmen could be dead.

“That’s what we are trying to find out. What brought you to Vegas?” Sara asked softly when the young woman’s sobs began to taper off.

Melissa wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath to steady herself. “Spring break. We’re all students at UCLA, so we can go to the beach anytime. This year we wanted to do something different. A bunch of us were sitting around in Kelly’s dorm room one night watching tv and one of those ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ commercials came on. It sounded a lot better than going to Tijuana.”

Sofia glanced at Sara with a raised eyebrow before turning her attention back to the girl. Spring break in the desert was a new one on her. “Melissa, Carmen checked in with a Kory Sutton. When we searched her room though, we didn’t find any of his things. Do you know where he is?”

“Yeah, that jerk is staying in Britney’s room now.” There was no way she could keep the venom out of her voice. She’d never really liked Kory, he was a player. Melissa had tried to warn her, but Carmen would never hear a bad word about the slime ball.

“And why is that?” Sofia swore she could almost see smoke coming out of the girl’s ears. It seemed she’d hit a nerve.

“We went to Rain last night. Everyone was drinking, dancing and having a good time you know. Carm and I went to the bathroom and we were gone for quite a while because there was a really long line. When we got back Kory and Britney were practically doing it right there on the table. Well she got really upset, slapped him, called him a bunch of names and took off. That bastard just laughed. I went after her and offered to go with her, but Carmen said she wanted to be alone. When we got back to the hotel, all of his stuff was sitting in front of Bimbo Barbie’s door.” At the moment, Melissa couldn’t think of two people she hated more. The last thing Carmen had felt before she died was heartache and betrayal, and for that she would never forgive them.

Sara was silently fuming. Some men must have a vital personality flaw that made them flaunt their infidelities. She’d had a boyfriend in college that had done the same damn thing to her. The fact that he had done it in front of people she had thought were her friends had made it particularly humiliating. He hadn’t been the first guy to cheat on her, but he had been the first one to put it on display for the whole world to see. She’d stopped dating for the rest of the time she was in school after that.

“And what time was that?” Sofia quickly jotted down the other girl’s name and put a star beside it. A romantic rival was always a good suspect.

“She left around ten-thirty and we got back a little after two a.m. I think. We were all pretty trashed. I wanted to go check on her, but Jen convinced me to leave her alone. She said I should just let her sleep. I knocked on her door this morning when we left, but she didn’t answer. I figured she was still pissed off and didn’t want to talk yet. And now…” New tears burned their way, unchecked, down her cheeks. If Kory hadn’t been such an ass, her friend would probably still be alive.

Sofia pushed a box of tissues toward the girl. “What time did you leave this morning and where did you go?”

“Um, about ten. We went to get something to eat, some cheap buffet at one of the casinos. Then we went to Adventure Dome for a few hours and after that we went to see the pirate show at Treasure Island. We wandered around for awhile and then hit a club, but I started feeling sick so I left. When I got back to the hotel I saw the yellow tape across Carm’s door. I ran to the front desk and they told me to call you.” A thought struck her with the force of a sledgehammer. What if Carmen was being murdered while she knocked on the door? What if she was lying there dying while Jennifer was talking her out of checking on the other girl? “Do you know when she…when it happened?”

Sara glanced over at Sofia and raised her eyebrow. They both knew what the girl was thinking. “We don’t have an official time of death yet, but the coroner estimates she died at about eight-thirty this morning. Did you see or hear anything around that time?”

“No, I was asleep. I slept through her murder. What kind of a person does that? I should have been there. I should have protected her.” A hard ball of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. Carmen had never even hurt a fly in her life, she was just too gentle a person. There was no way the girl would have known how to fight off an attacker. Melissa, on the other hand, had taken years of self defense classes. If she had been there…

“Melissa there was nothing you could have done, except maybe get yourself killed too. Now I know you’re upset, but we really need to talk to the rest of your friends. Which club are they at?” Sofia sympathized with the girl, she really did. She still carried around a lot of guilt over Officer Bell’s shooting. It didn’t matter that ultimately she hadn’t been responsible for his death, she had been right there, she had watched him go down. To this day she still had nightmares about it.

“I think it’s in an old warehouse, but I don’t know the name of it. I remember it had these huge red neon flames coming out of the windows and from the roof though.” That little fact was the only thing she really could remember about the place. She had already been feeling ill by the time the cab had dropped them off and Melissa had spent most of the time she’d been there trying not to throw up. Her stomach was still churning and doing back flips, but now she didn’t know if it was because she was sick or because she’d found out her friend was dead. She really should have let her girlfriend come with her, then at least she’d have Jen to lean on.

“Club Inferno, it opened about three months ago. It’s off Industrial.” Sara tried to ignore the incredulous look Sofia shot her. She knew everyone thought she was just a workaholic with no life outside the lab, and up until last year they’d been pretty much right. Not anymore though. Now she went out when she got the chance, she dated, she had fun.

Xxx

The heavy techno beat slammed into Sara the second the door opened and for a moment she let the memory of the first time she’d visited the club wash over her.

The dance floor was a seething mass of writhing bodies and she was in the middle of them, losing herself in the music, drinking in the sweat and the sex radiating off the crowd, living. She had no idea how long she had been dancing, but her lungs were laboring to draw in air and her legs felt like they were going to fall off.

Sara figured it was just about time to take a break, go back to the bar and get a drink. But as she turned to slip out of the sea of people, a pair of long tanned arms wrapped themselves around her waist and she was pulled back into soft, generous curves. Her entire body tensed at the unexpected contact and she whirled to face her would-be dance partner. One look in the aquamarine eyes peering out from behind a golden cascade of hair and she completely forgot her fatigue. She’d always been a sucker for blue eyed blondes, and the fact that the woman had a body built for sin didn’t really hurt either.

She draped an arm over one slim shoulder and pulled her closer, slipping a leather-clad thigh between the woman’s legs…

Sara mentally shook herself, this was not the time to get caught up in that rather steamy memory. It was just too bad that Andrea hadn’t been able to understand that working in the crime lab meant long nights and interrupted dates. Still it had been nice while it’d lasted. Really nice.

Two seconds after stepping through the door, Sofia found herself completely captivated. There was something almost primal in the way the CSI’s long lean body swayed for just a few seconds to the thudding bass and the hungry way Sara’s dark eyes followed the contorting mass of flesh on the dance floor. A sarcastic smirk, a disapproving frown, an angry snarl, on rare occasions even a wide gap toothed grin, those were the mercurial woman’s trademarks, not this look of… Sofia really couldn’t put a name to it; all she knew was that it was wild, open and… kind of hot.

Then she blinked and the moment was over, the indomitable investigator was back. The blonde had no time to deal with the sudden and surprising look into the brunette though, because Sara’s long legs were carrying her swiftly through the club and Sofia was forced to damn near run to keep up with the CSI. She had to push this new revelation about the enigmatic woman to the back of her mind and focus on work but as soon they had this case wrapped up, she was going to turn her detective skills toward figuring out Sara Sidle.

TBC

Fic: Breaking Spring 2

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 02:27:36 GMT

Title: Breaking Spring – Chapter 2
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They’re mine! Mine I tell you. I stole them fair and square. When CBS goes to rehab and stops ruining them I’ll give them back.
Summary: The murder of a young woman on spring break, reveals a connection between Sara and Sofia neither knew they had.
Archiving: P&P and ShatterStorm Productions
Spoilers: Everything up through season 7 is game.
Authors Notes: For my own sanity and health I have decided that the only thing GSR stands for is Gun Shot Residue. Many thanks to ariestess for the beta help.

Chapter | 1 |

Breaking Spring - 2

Sara propped her head up with one hand while she marked reference points on one of the fingerprints she and Sofia had collected. She was almost half way through the five dozen prints they’d collected and hadn’t come up with a single hit yet. It was so frustrating. Not one of her samples had been processed, the coroner hadn’t posted the body and she was running the prints herself because all the techs were backlogged.

Of course Sofia had been right. It had taken Sara just over two hours to meticulously go over every inch, front and back, of the comforter from the hotel room. Then she had spent an additional two and a half hours on the sheets. A case of eye strain and an enormous headache later, she had another fifteen swabs of bodily fluids, nineteen fibers and thirty-one hairs to add to the pile of evidence she’d already collected. Needless to say, the techs had given her the evil eye when she’d dropped off the new samples.

Sofia had been right about something else as well. There was no way Sara was going to go home before she’d processed every scrap of evidence. Of course what the detective hadn’t said, but they both knew, was that it would take a miracle to get her clock out before they had a suspect in custody.

She did, however, need a break. And a stiff shot of caffeine. Her regular shift started in two hours and unfortunately it was still way too early for Greg to be in, so she’d have to settle for whatever sludge was left over since she hadn’t found his new hiding place yet.

Sara took one look at the tar in the bottom of the carafe and wrinkled her nose in disgust. She wasn’t that desperate. That left her with two choices, go out and buy a cup of coffee or start a new pot. The brunette really didn’t feel up to driving the few short blocks to the nearest decent coffee shop so she decided to just make some.

Watching coffee brew was almost as boring as watching grass grow. Fortunately it didn’t take near as long. It was long enough however for the lanky brunette to lose herself in her thoughts and not notice her boss standing beside her until he spoke.

“I thought I told you that since you refused to take the night off that I didn’t want to see you here before the start of shift.”

“Yeah well, I guess you should have told Ecklie that. Once day shift was tapped out he called in swing and then me.” Sara unfolded herself from her seat on the couch and stiffly moved to the coffee pot.

Grissom took in her weary appearance and even though her clothes were rumpled, he was glad to note that at least they weren’t the same ones she’d been wearing when she left that morning. “He should have called me first. I would have told him to call Nick or Warrick. Did you get any sleep?”

Sara leaned back against the counter and savored her first sip of coffee in hours. “Nope. I’m just glad I managed to get a bite to eat and a shower. How was your date?” She asked in an attempt to deflect Gil’s ire; everyone knew Conrad Ecklie lived to find new ways to get under the entomologist’s skin.

“It was…interesting.” The lanky brunette was the only one that knew he had been seeing someone since they’d nearly lost Jim Brass. She was actually the one that had pressured him into pursing the woman.

“I’d prefer to know in advance that I was going to die, I’d like to be diagnosed with cancer, actually. Have some time to prepare. Go back to the rain forest one more time. Re-read ‘Moby Dick’. Possibly enter an international chess tournament. At least have enough time to say goodbye to the people I love.”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye.” Sara knelt beside the bed and regarded the man she considered a mentor and a friend. “I hope you’re not either. I think we both deserve a little happiness before we die, which hopefully won’t be for a very very long time.”

“Sara I…” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to hurt her. Not again. Coming here had been a mistake. He’d just wanted a connection to…someone.

“I met someone a couple of weeks ago that I think I would really like to see more of, but I’ve been too afraid to call her. I was afraid of what people would think of me if they found out. I was afraid of getting too close to someone and getting hurt again. But I’m so tired of being afraid. So tomorrow, I’m going to call her and ask her on a date.

Surely there has to be someone in your life that you want to spend time with outside of work, someone that you can’t get out of your mind? Someone you desire?” Sara stared at him, waiting for a reaction. She really wasn’t concerned about what he might say about her small revelation; Gil wasn’t the kind of person to let sexual orientation bias his opinion of someone. No, what she feared was hearing her name on his lips. She had put her small infatuation with him behind her a long time ago, but there were times when she thought that he might still have feelings for her.

Gil stared at her in surprise and just a touch of suspicion. Had she really just admitted to wanting a relationship with another woman? Was this some sort of elaborate ruse to get him to admit to having feelings for her? He searched her mahogany eyes, trying to divine the truth of her words in them. The sincerity he saw in them, accompanied with what he knew of this woman, told him all he needed to know. Sara Sidle didn’t have a manipulative bone in her body. If she still wanted him, she’d have told him, not tried to trick him. “There might be someone. But the last time I saw her was… Things were…are… complicated. I don’t know if she’d even still be interested in me.”

“And you never will if you don’t try. The worst that could happen is that she turns you down. You have nothing to lose by trying, and everything to gain.”

Sara smirked at the slight blush on her friend’s ears and the question was out of her mouth before her brain even registered what it was saying. “Whips and chains interesting?”

“Yes actually. Well… sort of.” Sometimes Gil was still surprised by how close they had become in the past year, by how much he actually enjoyed sharing things with her. In the past he might have gone to Catherine for advice, and then only if every option had been exhausted. Now when he needed someone, Sara was the one he called. They usually made time every week to spend together, lying on his bed watching movies or just enjoying a simple meal together and talking about their lives. He’d even let her shave his beard off when he’d returned from his sabbatical.

“Stop! I don’t want to know, forget I asked.” A shudder ran the length of her body. The last thing Sara wanted was to have the picture of Gil Grissom tied up and being spanked in her head.

“Heather and I went to an art exhibit featuring a photographer who takes black and white pictures of people bound with different ligatures, including chains. It was interesting from a forensics perspective. Now what about…Andrea?”

Forensics, yeah right. Lady Heather was slowly breaking down Grissom’s puritan walls. Of course it would be hard to date a dominatrix and still hold on to Victorian ideals of sexuality and what was acceptable. “Andrea is old news Griss. The third time I had to leave in the middle of a date to come to work, she decided that things with her ex weren’t so bad after all. And before you ask, no I haven’t met anyone new. Things have been too hectic this month to even think about going out.”

One of the swing shift techs wandered into the break room in search of coffee, reminding both of them that they were still at work. And although Gil found himself resenting the interruption, he knew that it really wasn’t the time or place for such personal conversations. “So tell me about your case?”

Xxx

Sofia knew exactly where to find Sara. Well, maybe not exactly. She knew the brunette would be at lab, she just didn’t know which of the many layout rooms the CSI would be occupying. The blonde wandered through the glass warren, but was disappointed at every turn when all of the earnest woman’s usual haunts were either occupied by someone else, or empty. That really only left one place to look because she knew there was no way Sara had actually gone home.

The blonde had to do a quick spin and barely managed to stay on her feet as she was nearly mowed down by the graveyard shift supervisor on her way into the break room. Sofia had the distinct impression as Grissom rushed down the hall staring at his pager, that the older man hadn’t even really registered her presence much less the near collision, even though he’d muttered something that might have been an apology. Of course it could have been about his bug of the month club too.

When she turned her attention back to the room, she found the brunette she’d been searching for trying to hide a smile behind her coffee cup. “Glad to see you find amusement in the fact that I was nearly trampled.”

“Sorry, it’s just that that pirouette was so graceful. Right up until you almost ran face first into the door.” Sara chuckled as she crossed the room to pour herself a second cup of coffee. Once her cup was full she held up the pot in the blonde’s direction. “It’s not Greg’s but it is fresh.”

“Only if you can make it to go.” Sofia moved to stand beside the brunette. “I just got a call from a Melissa Tavers. She says she’s a friend of our vic. She’s coming in to the station and I thought you might want to come along.”

Sara didn’t bother to answer; Sofia already knew what she was going to say anyway.

TBC

Fic: Breaking Spring 1

Tue, 29 May 2007 01:27:43 GMT

Title: Breaking Spring
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They’re mine! Mine I tell you. I stole them fair and square. When CBS goes to rehab and stops ruining them I’ll give them back.
Summary: The murder of a young woman on spring break, reveals a connection between Sara and Sofia neither knew they had.
Spoilers: Everything up through season 7 is game.
Archiving: P&P and ShatterStorm Productions
Authors Notes: For my own sanity and health I have decided that the only thing GSR stands for is Gun Shot Residue. Many thanks to ariestess for the beta help.

Breaking Spring

“Hey Sara, you on your own?”

Sara Sidle gave the blonde detective as much of a smile as she could muster after working a double, which was now turning into a triple. “Yeah, the lab is swamped. I didn’t even manage to get in bed before I got called back in. What do we have?”

Sofia returned the brief grin before flipping open her notebook. “Carmen Weiser, twenty years old from Oceanside California, found by the maid about an hour ago. Looks like she was strangled and there’s a possibly she was raped, she’s nude. The room is registered to her and a guy named Kory Sutton, twenty-one, from San Clemente California. He isn’t here, and neither are his things.”

“Sounds like we already have a suspect.” Sara slipped the rest of the way into the small hotel room and took in the entire scene with a practiced eye. At first glance nothing looked disturbed, except the bed. The fitted sheet had been pulled completely off one corner and the flat sheet was tangled around the legs of what was once a very pretty ash-blonde woman barely into adulthood. Several bruises stood out on the girl’s tanned skin, most notably around her neck. She also had a split lip and what looked like the beginnings of a black eye. A young life, cut tragically and brutally short. Damn it but she hated cases like this.

Sara had been surrounded by violence and death her entire life, but she still couldn’t understand how someone could do these things to another human being. Sure, she had felt the venomous burn of hate in her veins on more than one occasion. But it had always been aimed at the abusers, rapists and murders, never once had she felt the urge to really hurt an innocent person. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it meant that she wouldn’t go down the same road her parents had drunkenly stumbled down.

“Since you’re by yourself, do you want me to give you hand?” Sofia was hesitant to ask but she could see how tired the brunette was. The last time she had ‘helped’ Sara at a crime scene, the gesture hadn’t been well received. Of course her intentions hadn’t exactly been altruistic and she hadn’t asked if her help was needed or wanted. To tell the truth, she’d done it just to get under the lanky CSI’s skin as payback for making her wait so long. And she knew that it had, but fortunately for both of them Sara hadn’t risen to the bait.

“I’ll get it…” Sara’s first instinct was to turn down the offer and stubbornly push ahead on her own. But she was exhausted and hotel rooms were notorious for taking longer than most scenes just because of the sheer amount of prints and biological agents. The faster the room was processed, the sooner she could go home. Besides, it would be nice to work with the blonde again, instead of having her rush off to chase down potential witnesses. “You know what? I’d really appreciate your help. Thanks.”

A pleased smile split the blonde’s face as she pulled an ever present pair of gloves out of her pocket. Sara just smirked at Sofia and handed her a brush and a jar of finger print powder.

Even though she was dead tired, Sara was in the zone. She and Sofia were working side by side so smoothly, it was almost as if the detective had never left the lab. While she took overall photos of the room, detailed shots of the body, documented and collected fibers and hairs, the detective pulled print after print off of every smooth surface.

As she was labeling and sealing a short brown hair that definitely didn’t belong to their vic into a small evidence envelope, the brunette suddenly became aware of a slightly off-tune humming coming from the other side of the room. Sara could barely hold back a bark of laughter when she looked up to see Sofia, bent over a night stand, her shapely rear end swaying to what ever song it was she was softly butchering. And as nice as that particular part of the blonde’s anatomy was, it was extremely distracting. Something she couldn’t afford at the moment. “So uh, do you really like being a cop more than a CSI?”

Sofia wasn’t used to Sara making small talk at scenes, or ever really, so the sudden question made her jump slightly as she was forced from her thoughts. “Yeah, I really do. I’d just qualified for my shield when the sheriff pulled my papers and ‘volunteered’ me for the lab. I never wanted to be a CSI. Sure, once I was there I made the best of it and I admit there are a few things I miss. But I’ve wanted to be a cop from the first time I saw my mom in her uniform.”

“I never knew that. I’m sorry your career got sidetracked.” While Sara couldn’t imagine not wanting to work the forensics side of law enforcement, she understood all to well what it was like not to have a say about your future.

“Don’t get me wrong, I might not have wanted to be a CSI, but I learned a lot during my time in the lab. I think it makes me a better detective. Plus, it gives you an extra set of hands in a pinch.” Sofia shot a smirk at the brunette before turning back to the prints she had been lifting.

By the time they had completed lifting sixty-three sets of finger prints, collected ten stray fibers and a dozen hairs that were much to dark and short to be the victim’s David had arrived.

“Hey Sara, sorry it took me so long, busy day. Is it okay for me to get started?”

“Oh, hey David. Uh yeah, I’m done.” Sara paused as she dug through the girl’s suitcase to spare a smile for the assistant coroner.

David Phillips gave Sara a shy grin in return. Even though he was now married, he still had a teeny tiny crush on the brunette. She had always treated him with respect, even when he had stumbled and stuttered his way through trying to ask her out not long after she had moved to Vegas. “She’s in full rigor and liver temp is 94.2 degrees. I’d put TOD between seven-thirty and eight-thirty this morning. Can I go ahead and take her?”

“Yeah, she’s all ready to go. Do me a favor and tag her for special processing, please David? She’s also going to need a rape kit done.” Sara’s chest tightened as she took one last look at the violent marks on the girl’s skin. She turned away as the assistant coroner began to wrangle the stiff body into the large black bag and pulled the ALS out of its case.

Sofia cast a quick glance at the assistant coroner as he rolled the body out of the room, but for the most part kept her attention on Sara. Knowing that the CSI had probably already been awake far longer then was healthy, and the fact that this was one of those cases that Sara tended to take personally, she wanted to keep an eye on her. She’d already seen the brunette casting sad glances at the girl’s body. That hard look around her eyes and the way her forehead creased down the middle, were both dead giveaways that the lanky woman was getting herself worked up for another marathon investigation.

When she had been in the lab she had watched Sara, on more than one occasion, stay up for three days straight surviving on little more than bad coffee trying to find that one piece of evidence to nail someone. It seemed to happen every time she was assigned a case involving violence against women or children. And it had often made the blonde wonder what had happened to the lanky woman to inspire that sort of passion for those particular victims. Of course Sofia had never asked. She was almost a hundred percent sure that Sara wouldn’t have told her if she had. But she had always been concerned.

Sara tried not to watch David wheel the girl’s body out of the room, but failed miserably. Once she and Sofia were alone again, the brunette stood from her crouch and turned her attention back to the detective. “Could you close the curtains for me?”

Sofia nodded and pulled the heavy black-out drapes over the window, plunging the room into darkness. It didn’t stay that way though. The second Sara tuned on the alterative light source, the room looked like a rock concert during a power ballad. She was about to voice her disgust, but Sara beat her to it.

“Oh gross. This is why I’d rather sleep in my car, or a cardboard box in an alley overrun with rats for that matter, than a hotel room.” Sara shuddered. There were semen stains on nearly every surface, including the ceiling.

“Yeah I hear you, and this is definitely one of the things that I don’t miss. Where do you want to start?” Sofia asked through a frown. She’d never had a problem staying in a hotel before her stint as a CSI. Now days, she’d be right next to Sara in that cardboard box.

Sara looked around the room one more time before making a decision. “We’ll get samples from the most recent…deposits… and bag the sheets and the comforter.”

The two women went back to working quietly in tandem. By the time Sara clicked the cap closed on the last swab, Sofia’s back felt like someone had tied it in knots. Another thing she didn’t miss about working in the lab. “I’ll help you load everything up and then I’ll go get started on the interviews and try to find out where Mr. Sutton has disappeared to.”

“I could call Greg or someone to pick it up and give you hand.” Sara suddenly felt terrible. She’d kept the detective holed up with her lifting fingerprints and taking semen samples when the blonde had her own job to do.

Sofia’s eyes widened at the suggestion. To her knowledge, Sara never volunteered to talk to witnesses. “I really appreciate the offer, but it’s going to take you hours to just go over that comforter. I’d suggest that you drop it off at the lab and then go and get some sleep, but I know you won’t. So the sooner you get started on it, the sooner you can get some rest.”

All Sara could do was nod as she started gathering up the bags and envelops of evidence. Oh, she wanted to argue with the blonde, she really did. But they both knew the truth of Sofia’s statement, so it really was pointless. And she was just too tired to make the effort.

The detective threw a smirk towards the brunette’s back and moved to help Sara. Even with the two of them, it took two trips to get everything into the Denali.

Sara watched in silence as the detective stowed the last bag and reached out a hand for her kit. She handed it over with a shake of her head. Apparently chivalry wasn’t dead. “Um, thanks again Sofia for helping me out. I would have been here all day if I’d had to process that room by myself.”

Sofia didn’t bother holding back a grin at the diverted gaze and slight blush coloring the brunette’s cheeks. Sara was cute when she was embarrassed. “You don’t have to thank me, I was happy to help out. But… the next time Greg makes that special coffee of his, I wouldn’t mind if you saved me a cup.”

“I think I can manage that.” Sara smiled back. With a final wave to the detective she wearily climbed into the SUV and headed back to the lab.

TBC

I'm not sick, but I'm not well

Tue, 29 May 2007 00:56:56 GMT

Since my boss decided to let us go a whole two hours early, I thought I'd try to catch up. I have had the week from hell, actually more like week and a half. My workmate has been on vacation, which means that I've had to go in early to cover his start time and skip lunch and I had to work Saturday. And since I haven't been sleeping well lately, I've been to exhausted to do much of anything.

I did manage to muster enough energy to go ride yesterday. I spent about an hour out at Stanky Creek. I did the white trail and since I haven't been on the bike in over a week, I'm feeling it. It doesn't help that I ran straight into a tree either. Luckily I only bruised my knee this time, the right one if anyone is keeping score. I actually did the creek crossing! The damn thing is a scary eight or nine foot drop to the creek bed. It's taken me three trips to give it a shot. I think this guy that rode up while I trying to work up the courage to go said it best, 'Damn that's intimidating.' We just sat there and stared at for a couple of minutes before some other guy rode up and then the testosterone kicked in and dude had to go or he would have lost his man status or something.

Nothing else has really happened since the last time I posted, but I do have a few things coming up. Pride is in two weeks and we haven't even started on the float. Last year we won best of show and got to take home this four foot trophy. Hopefully we can get it together and win again this year. And then there's my birthday, the big 35. I got lucky when I turned 30, everyone forgot and thought I was turning 29, so no one made a big deal out of it. Don't know if I'll ge away with it again. Getting older has never bothered me because I've never really felt my age. I'm short and I have a baby face so I don't look near as old as I am. Everyone has always told me I'd appreciate that when I got older, but... Women my own age don't tend to take me seriously and when you're attracted to tall older women, well it sucks. Why couldn't I have been 5'10" instead of 5'1" and look like an adult? Ok, I'm going to stop whining and post some fic.

Yep, that's gonna leave a mark

Wed, 16 May 2007 01:33:22 GMT

My nephew came over to spend the weekend after his induction into Beta Club. We brought his bike so we could go riding. I decided to do part of the Tour De Wolf trail at Shelby Farms because I thought Stanky Creek would be to tough for him since he's never ridden trails before. What I didn't know was that he basically had NO BRAKES. Well I found out the hard way. I now have a six inch long, two inch wide, massive bruise on my ass and a three inch long scrape on the side of my knee.

Now for a kitty report.

My boy Loki, a three year old long-hair grey and black tabby, is a great cat. Really he is. He's a little crazy, still acts like a kitten and loves to have his belly rubbed. Unfortunately he's might not be the smartest kitty on the block. He has locked himself in every room upstairs, not once, not twice, not even three times, but four-count em-four times. I've had to put towels over all the doors so that he can't shut them.

My other cat Bébé, a female siamese of unknown age, had to stay four days at the vet. I noticed that she had lost weight and I was concerned so I took her in. Turns out she has a Megacolon. Her colon is two to three times larger than normal, and it was completely impacted. Several x-rays, a couple of enemas, sedated twice with two extractions, plus antibiotics equals 'holy shit I think you put too many zeros on that bill'. Now I have to buy high fiber food, Metamucil, powdered laxatives and make sure she's pooping right so we don't have to do this again. Unfortunately the vet said even with all that it would probably reoccur.

My nephew's cat knocked his laptop off the table and cracked the screen. The laptop I just bought him a month ago.

I love kitties.

Hell Yeah!

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:32:59 GMT

I'm Jo, which ambiguous dyke are you? Quiz by Turi.

disturbing things

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:31:56 GMT

Disturbing thing number one: Rollerblading grannies in low cut sports bras and short shorts.

Seriously, there comes a time when dressing like you're twenty is a definite no-no. Sixty-five is probably way past it.

Disturbing thing number two: Your aunt asking you if you've been tom-catting around.

During easter dinner with the family, my cousin asked me if I had seen something on tv saturday night. I said no, I was out really late. That's when my aunt, my sweet southern baptist gets on to us for saying anything remotely sexual 'ya'll are being bad' aunt, asked me if I was out tom-catting around. Now my aunt knows I'm gay, she excepts that and loves me. But it's one of those things we don't really talk about. It's like the fact that she knows I smoke, and I know she knows, but we both pretend I don't. So we when she asked me that, well my jaw hit the table.

Disturbing thing number three: Bugs

On my ride through the park today, I swallowed a bug. I don't know what kind it was but since I absolutely HATE bugs, I was horrified. I wanted to wash my mouth out with bleach.

Disturbing thing number four: Having to hear that Sara makes Grissom 'happy'

I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Maybe this one should have been first.

Not really disturbing but kinda weird: You know you've been watching too many documentaries when you dream one. I had a dream the other night about prohibition and bootlegging beer, complete with narrator. Sometimes it was like I was just watching it and sometimes it was like I was in it. At least I didn't get busted!

A blow to my karma

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:02:27 GMT

I got a call from my dad last week, and it has had me in a funk ever since. It wasn't what he told me, it was my reaction to it. He said there was a good chance he has lymphoma. My first thought was 'good. you deserve it you bastard.'

I really thought that I had put this burning hatred of him behind me. I thought that I had moved past it, replaced it with, if not forgiveness, at least apathy. Now I'm not so sure. I thought I was a much better person than that. When I talked to my aunt about it, she said it didn't make me a bad person, and that sometimes people do get what they deserve. But I don't know if I believe her. I haven't slept well, I've felt completely off. I've thought myself in circle's about this.

Yes my father was abusive. Yes he was a mean drunk, and he was drunk a lot. Yes he tried to kill, three times. No he has never really apologized for any of it. Drunken calls in the middle of the night, crying about how he was such a bad dad do not count in my book. He can't even remember what he needs to say he's sorry about. He doesn't remember putting a shotgun to my head at 12 and telling me he was going to blow my brains out all over the living room wall before threatening to kill himself. He doesn't remember stepping on my head and telling me he wanted to see my brains squirt out my ears. And he doesn't remember sitting on my chest with his hands wrapped around my throat. All the punches, being thrown across the room, the times he forgot to hold the belt by the buckle and not the other way around. I've been hit with garden hoses, 2x4's, sticks, chairs, too many things to list. Yes it was bad. Yes I have a few scars and more than a few issues but that should not be an excuse to wish a terrible disease on him. Right?

I've seen what cancer can do to someone. I've seen people waste away and die from it. It's supposed to be something you don't wish on your worst enemy. This is not who I want to be. I don't want a relationship with my father, but I shouldn't want him dead either. I'm not sure what to do. I just know I don't want to be that person I was during that phone call.

Fic chapter list: Demons

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 01:12:50 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Fic : Demons Part 30 - Conclusion

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 01:07:17 GMT

Thank you to everyone for sticking with me. I know this story might not be everyone's cup of tea and the support I've recieved has been great.

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 30 – Conclusion
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 30 – conclusion

Sara sighed as Catherine mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the room. They had barely spoken in almost a week and there was no doubt that the blonde was avoiding her. But no matter how many times she asked the older woman what was wrong, she always got the same answer. ‘Nothing’s wrong Sara, why do ask? Oh I just remembered I need to go do laundry’ or dishes or something else that was as far away from the brunette as possible. Catherine wasn’t even sleeping in the bed with her anymore.

The first time Sara had woken up to find the spot next to her empty, long after the older woman should have been home and in bed, was four days ago. She’d quickly found Catherine asleep on the sofa in the living room. The blonde’s explanation that she hadn’t wanted to inadvertently hurt Sara after her first physical therapy session had seemed like a valid enough reason at the time. But the next night when it happened again and the night after that and the night after that, the excuses, that she’d just fallen asleep there or she’d only meant to close her eyes for second or she hadn’t wanted to wake Sara up, just hadn’t rang true.

Sara had wanted to press the issue, find out what was really going on, but she had been too afraid of making it worse. So she had decided that if she left it alone whatever was wrong would work itself out, but things weren’t getting any better. Sara was scared that their friendship, the closeness she’d come to depend on, was about to end if she couldn’t find a way to get Catherine to tell her what it was she had done to upset her.

Stiffening her resolve, Sara decided that one way or another, she was going to get Catherine to talk to her, right now.

Xxx

Catherine leaned heavily against the washing machine and tried to catch her breath. There wasn’t even a dirty sock left in the entire house and the only way she was going to do a load was if she started re-washing the clean clothes. She had really just needed an excuse to get away from Sara.

Since her mothers little intervention, since she’d come to realize the depth of her feelings for Sara, she found it so hard to even be in the same room with the younger woman. She was constantly battling the urge to touch her. And every time she looked in the lanky brunette’s soulful eyes, her resolve not to tell Sara how she felt crumbled a little bit more.

Sara was still emotionally fragile and there was no way to tell how she’d react to the blonde’s revelation. There might be a small chance that the brunette would be open to a relationship with her, but there was also a huge possibility that she wasn’t ready to be involved with anyone, much less the female co-worker she’d had a sometimes combative relationship with until very recently. Catherine could very well lose Sara completely and she’d rather have the younger woman’s friendship than nothing at all.

Besides, hadn’t she practically ripped Grissom’s fat head off his stumpy neck when he’d done the same thing? Of course he’d done it the day after they were rescued while Sara was lying in a near catatonic state in ICU. If there had ever been a more wrong time and place, she didn’t know what it was. But how was she supposed to judge when, or even if, the brunette was ready? She couldn’t, which was exactly why she needed to stay away from Sara even though it was slowly killing her.

Every lie she told tasted like ashes in her mouth. Every hurt look on the brunette’s face sent another rusty knife through her heart. Every night spent on the couch instead of next to Sara made her body ache for the younger woman’s warmth. Every moment she didn’t speak to the lanky CSI, share her day and hear about Sara’s, tore another chunk out of her soul. She really didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up.

Xxx

Sara found the blonde in the laundry room, her head resting against the empty washing machine. She silently regarded the older woman for a moment before shutting the door, effectively cutting off Catherine’s escape route. “Will you please tell me what I did wrong?”

Catherine jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She took a deep breath to try to calm her suddenly racing heart before turning to face the other woman. “Don’t be silly Sara, you haven’t done anything wrong. You know I just remembered that I need to wash bed linens. I should get those started so that they’re done before I have to leave for work.”

As the blonde took a step toward her, Sara steeled her nerves and held her ground. “You just washed them two days ago. Please Cat, I can’t take this anymore. Lindsey is the only person in this house still speaking to me and I don’t know why. You’re sleeping on the couch, you won’t talk to me, hell you won’t even stay in the same room as me for more then thirty seconds. Your mother glares at me all the time and the only way riding with her to my PT sessions could get any more uncomfortable would be if Ecklie decided to tag along.

If I really didn’t do anything to upset you then the only conclusion I can come to is you’re tired of having me around and you just don’t want to hurt my feelings by saying so. I understand you know. I actually expected it, because sooner or later everyone wants to get away from me, but I’d rather you tell me that than to just avoid me. I don’t want to lose your friendship and if that means going back to my apartment and fending for myself then that’s what I’ll do.”

Catherine hung her head as each of the brunette’s words drove a red hot spike into her chest. She’d spent so much time and energy trying to keep Sara from seeing how she felt about her, that she’d failed to see how much she was hurting her. “Have you ever wondered why you are the only person on this planet that I allow to get away with calling me Cat? I never really thought about it before but even when we were fighting, I never wanted to rip your lips off for using that damn nickname. Anyone else would be just a greasy spot on the floor, but for some reason I’ve always liked the way you say it.”

The blonde looked into Sara’s eyes and wasn’t really all that surprised to see tears falling from their mournful depths. There was no turning back now. She had to tell her the truth. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you here but I had some things I needed to work out and please believe me when I say that it would have been impossible if I hadn’t put a little distance between us. But the last thing I want is for you to leave.

You really haven’t done a single thing wrong sweetheart. In fact you keep doing everything right and it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I love the way you look after my kid. You let Lindsey sprawl all over you even though I know it still causes you a little bit of pain, no matter how hard you try to hide it, just to make her feel safe. You comfort her when she has a nightmare. You help her with her homework. You’re actually interested in hearing about how her day went and which one of her friends thinks what boy is cute today.

It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you worry about me even though you’re the one that went through ten kinds of hell and damn near died. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve threatened everyone at PD and half the lab if they don’t watch out for me when I’m in the field. It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you how much it means to me that you trust me enough to help you.

It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you get so completely focused on something that you block out the rest of the world. That I love the way you push that bit of stubborn hair behind your ear a hundred times a day, only to have it fall right back down two seconds later. I love the way you chew on your lip when you’re concentrating and the way you sing and hum when you’re in a good mood and forget anyone else is around. I love how you get this little crease between your eyes when you’re confused. I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. I love your smile, god I love your smile when it’s real and big enough to show that adorable gap in your teeth. I love the way your hands are so strong and steady while at the same time they’re soft and gentle. I love how dedicated you are to the victims, how you fight tooth and nail for them, consequences be damned. I love how justice means more to you than politics.”

Catherine took a deep breath. “I love…” She could still back out, she hadn’t said the words yet. She could chalk it all up to hormones or something, but she really didn’t want to. Now that she’d started, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted, needed, to tell Sara the truth. “I love you. And it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I’m falling for you and that I never meant to hurt you or make you think I wanted you to leave because I really really want you to stay and not just today but I think maybe for a very long time.”

With every word Sara felt her knees get a little a weaker until they finally gave out at the end of Catherine’s speech. As she slid to the floor she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth. She knew it was so completely the wrong response, but she couldn’t help it, she actually felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. And that thought made her laugh all that much harder as she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this way, or if she ever really had. Did that mean she had never really been in love before? Searching her memory the only answer she could find was no. Not one person one person had ever made her feel as happy and frustrated, safe and out of control, drunk and sober, cherished and worthy of love, all at the same time.

Staring down at the brunette, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart, leaving nothing but a bloody and tattered hole in its place. Catherine had known that there was a huge chance that the younger woman wouldn’t return her feelings, but she had never expected Sara to laugh at her. Hell the brunette had been more understanding with Grissom. She could have handled a gentle let down, or even stunned silence followed by a sputtered ‘I'm flattered but I don’t feel that way about you’, but she couldn’t bear to be mocked. Not by Sara, not after having laid her heart completely bare for the younger woman to see.

Sara felt the door hitting her in the back but it took a few seconds for her euphoria to clear enough to figure out that the blonde was desperately trying to get out of the room. Even though it sent a bolt of pain through her shoulder she reached up and pulled Catherine down into her lap. She wrapped her arms around the older woman and buried her face in the cascade of golden hair. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry Cat.”

Catherine didn’t even try to mask the roughness of her voice or wipe away the tears that had begun to blind her. “Screw you! How could you be that cruel? How could you just laugh at me like that? I thought that you at least cared enough about me to…”

Sara tightened her grip as the blonde began to struggle to get up. “I didn’t mean to, and I wasn’t laughing at you I swear. I was just so surprised and happy and confused and… and happy, it just came out and I couldn’t stop it.”

“Happy?” Catherine halted her escape attempt and turned her head to look at the brunette.

“Yeah, happy. You remember I told you I used to have a little crush on you and that I got over it? Well what I’ve been feeling lately isn’t anything at all like that. It’s so much deeper and stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. But I didn’t think there was even a remote chance that you’d ever return those feelings so I ignored them, or at least I tried to. Then when you told me you loved me it all just kind of hit me at once. And I guess laughing was the only way I had of expressing that, but I swear I wasn’t laughing at you. What I’m trying to say, and making a total mess of, is that I love you too. And I mmph…

Catherine silenced Sara’s rambling the only way she way she really wanted to. She kissed her. For a second the brunette didn’t respond but when she did it was everything the blonde had dreamed it would be. Or it was until Sara jerked away from her.

“You ah, didn’t let me finish.” Sara softly told Catherine. She didn’t think she had ever enjoyed kissing someone as much as she had the blonde, but she couldn’t let it continue, not with what she needed to tell her. “I started to say that I would love to pursue a relationship with you…”

“It works out great then because that’s what I want too.” Catherine leaned in to capture the younger woman’s mouth again but was stopped by two of Sara’s fingers across her lips.

“But I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.” Sara picked up where she left off, determined to make the blonde listen. “I’m pretty screwed up Cat. I was screwed up before Michael Thomas came back into my life. I’ve never been good at the relationship thing. My past has always hung over my head no matter how much I’ve tried to fight it. I’m moody and withdrawn and argumentative. I obsess over cases, I work too much, I shut people out, I have more defense mechanisms than the Army and the Marines combined and I could give China a run for its money in the wall department. I just think you deserve someone better than me.”

Catherine gently pulled the lanky woman’s hand away from her mouth and placed a soft kiss on Sara’s palm. “Sweetie after working with you for five years, most of that is not news to me. But that’s not all you are, or were you not listening a couple of minutes ago when I was extolling your many virtues? And you’re not the only one with a past and issues. I have my own problems and hang-ups, but I think we can work on all of it together. Because I can’t think of one person that even holds a candle to you and if anything, I don’t deserve you. I would love a chance at something more than friendship with you but if you don’t think you’re ready then I won’t push you. I’ll take you in my life anyway you want to be there, just as long as you’re there.”

When Sara could finally swallow the lump in her throat, she reached up and cupped the blonde’s cheek. “What about Lindsey? This would affect her too. What if she doesn’t want us to see each other? I don’t want to do anything that might upset her.”

“See? There you go again being so damn perfect you put every single person I’ve ever been involved with to shame. No one has ever given her more then a passing thought except when I had to cancel or cut dates short for her. And I’m fairly certain that she will be ecstatic. That girl doesn’t just think that you hung the moon; she thinks you carved it out of a mountain and then carried it on your back into orbit. You’re her hero. And before you ask about my mother, don’t. She’ll learn to live with it.” Catherine slid off the warm lanky body and settled next to Sara. “We can go as slow or as fast as you want, hell we can crawl in slow motion if that’s what you need.”

Sara reached over and entwined her fingers with Catherine’s. She was scared to death but this was everything she’d always wanted but had never had, a chance at happiness, a real family that wanted her, love. Maybe it was time to stop living in her parent’s shadow and in the hole Michael Thomas had tried to bury her in. Besides, who knew if she’d ever get another shot, especially with someone like Catherine Willows? “I don’t think it will be necessary to go quite that slow. But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to… um… well you know. But I can definitely handle holding hands, and kissing, kissing is good. Really good.”

“What’s your stance on cuddling?” Catherine grinned at the fierce blush spreading up from Sara’s neck to engulf her entire head. The brunette’s ears were so red they looked like they were about to burst into flames.

“Oh I think cuddling will have to be mandatory. But do you think we could do that somewhere a little more comfortable? This floor with cold and I think my butt is falling asleep.” Sara grinned shyly at the older woman.

Catherine stood and pulled Sara up and into her arms. “Wherever and whenever you want.”

FIN

CSI - MCSK, BSG, The L Word

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 00:26:16 GMT

Cut just in case someone is still unspoiled

CSI - I don't have any spoilers on who the Miniature Crime Scene Killer, this is just the way my mind works.... It's Hodges. He obviously has a HUGE crush on Grissom. He's trying to impress the bugman. If he can stump Grissom, Hodges is proving he is his equal and therefore worthy of Gil's love. The guy is just plain creepy.

CSI - I don't know any details at all, but Lady Heather will be on an upcoming episode. I for one can not wait. Maybe once Sara meets the Lady, she'll dump that waddling emotionally stunted idiot and run off with the dominatrix.

BSG - Ok, didn't see those 4 as being Cylons. As for the last of the final five, my money is still on Starbuck of Roslin. The only other thing I have to say is All Along the Watchtower? I had no idea that was a Cylon lullaby.

The L Word - I hope Jenny is either eaten by sharks or run over by an oil tanker.

Short film on Logo

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 03:27:58 GMT

I just watched a short film called Give or Take an Inch staring Amanda Bearse and Michele Greene. I used to have such a crush on Michele Greene way back in the day of LA Law. Um, she still looks good.

Fic : Demons Part 29

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 03:00:22 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 29
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 29

Sara’s head immediately turned to the door as it slowly slid open. She was pretty sure she knew who it was but she waited until the small silhouette was fully visible before she sat up. “Linds? What’s wrong?”

Lindsey hung her head as she edged into the room. She felt like such a baby but after lying in her bed for an eternity afraid to go back to sleep, she just couldn’t help herself. “I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here with you?”

“Of course you can.” Sara patted the mattress beside her and cursed Ecklie as the girl climbed up onto the bed. He was the reason she had been lying there, unable to sleep, and the reason Catherine’s daughter was having bad dreams. The assistant lab director, being the supreme ass that he was, had refused Catherine’s request to take more time off. His excuse was that they were too short handed to spare her. The only concession he had made was letting her work half shifts for a week before returning to full duty.

Sara lay back down and the little blonde quickly snuggled up next to her. Her cast made it a little difficult to wrap her arms around the girl but she did the best she could. She might not be at her best when it came to kids but even she knew when one needed a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lindsey thought about saying no for a second. She was almost thirteen and it was embarrassing enough to have to ask to sleep with someone because of a bad dream. But Sara had never made her feel stupid, or even like a kid. The brunette had always talked to her like she an actual person, not a baby, and in her book that made the woman one of the coolest adults she knew. “I dreamed Mom got kidnapped again only this time she died.”

Sara tightened her awkward hold as the girl let out a quiet sniffle. “I’m scared too, Linds. Even though I know that the guys won’t let her out of their sight for a second, I’m so scared I feel like I’m going to be sick. I keep telling myself that everyone in the lab and the PD are going to be watching her like a hawk and they’ll make sure she’s safe but I still can’t sleep.” The second the blonde CSI had walked out the door, Sara had felt the walls starting to close in on her. She had known that when the older woman went back to work she’d be a little nervous. What she hadn’t expected was this near-suffocating fear that something was going to happen to Catherine. “Do you want to give her a call?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, grab the phone.” Sara suppressed a smile as the little blonde leapt up. Lindsey might try to act like she was all grown up but she was still just a little girl who needed her mom more than she wanted to admit.

The second Linds handed her the phone, Sara dialed Catherine’s number from memory. Once it began ringing she twisted it slightly and leaned toward the girl.

‘Willows.’

Sara smiled as Lindsey squeezed her arm at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Hey Cath, how’s work?”

‘Believe me, you don’t want to know.’

“That bad huh?” To Sara, the older woman sounded exhausted. She hoped Catherine wasn’t pushing herself to hard her first night back.

‘Oh yeah. How’s everything there? Are you okay?’

“We’re ok. We just wanted to hear your voice.” Sara had been fighting the urge to call the blonde since she’d left the house. The only thing that had kept her from dialing the number was because she hadn’t wanted to upset Catherine any more than the older woman already was. That, and she hadn’t wanted to appear as needy as she felt.

‘We? Lindsey should’ve been in bed three hours ago.”

“She was. But we had trouble sleeping and wanted to call you before we went back to bed.” It was hard for her to admit it about herself but Sara didn’t want to leave the girl out in the cold all alone.

‘Is she all right?’

“Here, I’ll let her answer that.” Sara let go of the phone and sat back to give the girl some privacy with her mom.

“Hi Mom.”

‘Hey baby, you ok?’

“I’m fine. I had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk to you. You’re not mad are you?” Her mother had pretty strict rules about bedtime and getting plenty of sleep but Lindsey didn’t care if she was about to get grounded or not. All that mattered was that she could hear her mom’s voice and know that she was safe.

‘Of course not. You can call me anytime you want or need to. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?’

“I guess. Are you coming home soon?”

‘I’m going to try. I love you baby.’

“Love you to Mom. Night.”

Xxx

Catherine snapped her cell phone shut and hung her head. What she wouldn’t give to be at home right now. She hadn’t gotten two feet from her front door that afternoon before she began plotting the best way to get rid of Ecklie’s body. Now she was revising her plan to make sure the jackass suffered a little before he died. There was no doubt that he didn’t have a compassionate bone in his body but now she was wondering if he even had a heart, hell she wasn’t even sure he was human.

Conrad Ecklie’s timely demise would have to wait for another day though because if she ever wanted to get home to Sara and Lindsey, she needed to get back to work. The plan had been to come in for the second half of her shift and knock out some of the paperwork that had stacked up while she had been gone, with grave and swing both shorthanded no one had been able to get to it. Of course nothing ever went as planned. It seemed like every criminal in Vegas had gotten a wild hair up their ass and both shifts had quickly been tapped out. So Catherine had been forced to go into the field.

She’d nearly had a panic attack just getting from the front door to her Denali and had had to keep telling herself that Michael Thomas was dead and she was perfectly safe in the lab’s parking lot. Catherine had been proud of herself for not letting the fear control her. Until she got to the scene. Then she wished that she had turned right back around and hid in her office until it was time for her to go home.

Domestic abuse cases had always been particularly hard on Sara and in the past Catherine had chastised her for getting too emotionally involved. But now that she knew the reasons behind the younger CSI’s vehemence, the blonde found herself feeling outraged on the other woman’s behalf. But it wasn’t the woman lying bloody and limp as a rag doll on the floor, beaten to death by her husband, that drew her ire. And it wasn’t the man being hauled away in handcuffs, ranting and raving about how ‘the bitch’ had asked for it. It was the pale little brunette sitting ghostly quiet in the back of a squad car as she waited to be taken to her uncertain future. The big dark soulful eyes that were much too old to be in such a tiny face had looked up at her and Catherine had immediately thought about Sara. Was this what she had looked like as a child? Covered in bruises and already world-weary at the tender age of seven?

Catherine had hurried to get away from the scrutiny of those haunted mahogany eyes that reminded her so much of Sara’s. But as much as the blonde tried to block the child out of her mind while she collected evidence, she couldn’t help but wonder if this girl would come through her ordeal half as strong as her lanky friend. Would she take all that had happened to her, all she had seen and endured, and become someone that fought tooth and nail to make the world a little safer? Or would she let it make her apathetic, or worse, twist her into the very thing that she feared and hated? There was no doubt that Sara Sidle had taken all the pain she had suffered and used it to fuel her drive for finding justice for victims and she could only hope that this little girl had the same strength in her tiny frame.

Sara had still been on her mind when she returned to the lab and Catherine had had to force herself not to pick up the phone. It was late and she had hoped the brunette was sound asleep. So she’d continued to log the evidence absentmindedly, her thoughts bouncing back and forth between her younger co-worker and the girl. It had actually been a relief when she got the page from Doc Robbins to attend the post and she had something else to concentrate on.

Now all she had left to do was finish up the reports and she could go home. By the time she got to actually leave though, her half a shift would turn out to be more like three quarters. But at least after talking to Sara and Lindsey her mind was much more at ease and she could actually focus on the paperwork in front of her.

Xxx

Catherine crept down the short hallway and slowly opened her daughter’s door. After the night she’d just had, all she wanted to do was kiss her little girl and crawl into bed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom within and another for her to realize that Linds wasn’t under the rumpled blankets on her twin bed. As she turned to begin a search of the house her stomach tried to jump into her throat as she came face to face with her mother. “Damn it Mom you nearly gave me a heart attack. Why are you lurking around outside Lindsey’s room and where is she?”

“She’s in your room, in your bed, with that woman.” Lily had woken up only a few minutes before Catherine got home and decided to check on her granddaughter, only to find her gone. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out where she was.

“Sara mother, her name is Sara. Why do you suddenly have a problem with her? At first I thought it was me, since you are constantly watching me like you expect me to flip out or something, but now… What is going on with you?” Catherine’s voice was an angry whisper, harsh sounding even to her own ears. She didn’t want to wake the rest of the house but her displeasure at her mother’s strange attitude made it impossible to speak in a normal tone.

“My problem is the way you and Sara are carrying on. I didn’t want to believe it at first when Lindsey mentioned it, but I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Did you even stop to think about how this would affect your career, your life, your daughter’s life? Did you stop to think about the message it might send her?” Lily had held her tongue as long as she could, but things had obviously gone too far now, she couldn’t wait any longer. Lindsey should have come to her, not a woman that she’d only had regular contact with for a couple of weeks.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Please don’t try to deny it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people that choose that sort of life, but sweetheart it’s not for you. Getting involved with Sara will destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for. You know the police department isn’t the most accepting of homosexuals. What am I supposed to tell Lindsey when some bigot cop decides to leave you alone at crime scene and a murderer hacks you to pieces? What am I going to tell her when you get beaten up or shot in the back by friendly fire?” Unshed tears burned the back of Lily’s eyes just thinking of her granddaughter, in a little black dress, sobbing over her mother’s casket. It broke her heart just as much as the thought that she could loose her oldest child.

Catherine’s jaw dropped and she shook her head in utter amazement. “Did you hit your head? Yes, Sara and I are a lot closer now. And yes, I’ve come to love her. But. As. A. Friend. That’s all. Nothing is going on between us. And even it if was, it wouldn’t be any of your business Mom. I’m an adult, she’s an adult and things have changed. People are much more accepting and tolerant nowadays. And the message I’m sending Lindsey? I’ve always told her that love is more important than what other people think about you and that race, religion, age and gender shouldn’t matter.”

Lily could see that the woman was in denial and put her hands on Catherine’s shoulder’s hoping to calm her daughter enough to get the blonde to listen to her. “I’ve seen the way the two of you look at each other. I’ve seen the way you touch each other. Whether you’ve admitted it to yourself or not, you and Sara have feelings for each other that goes beyond friendship. Even your daughter can see it, she’s the one that told me that the two of you like like each other. And what about Lindsey? Do you know how devastated she’s going to be when the two of you break up? Because I don’t know about Sara, but you don’t exactly have the best track record when comes to dating. All I’m asking is that before you take your relationship any further with her, you carefully consider all the consequences of your actions.”

“I think you’re delusional, but if it will get you off my back, fine. I’ll think about what you said. As for Lindsey and how she’d feel about a hypothetical breakup to a hypothetical relationship… She’d be fine because I’d never try to keep her and Sara from spending time together, they adore one another and I can’t imagine a better role model for Linds. Now, you’re going to do something for me.” Catherine advanced on her mother and didn’t stop until wall forced her to. “You are going to back the hell off and you are going to treat Sara with the respect she deserves. Because in case you forgot, she’s the only reason I’m standing here talking to you right now.”

Catherine waited for the older woman to nod her acceptance before she stepped away. “Good, now I’ve had a long day and I’m going to bed. Goodnight Mother.”

As Lily watched her daughter walk away she felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. She should have waited and not been quite so confrontational. Catherine had never responded well to being cornered. She’d have to wait until her daughter calmed down and had a chance to think things through. Once they could discuss the situation rationally she was sure her oldest child would see that she was right. And if after everything was said and done and Catherine decided to pursue a relationship with Sara… Well then Lily would be forced to accept it, but that didn’t mean that she had like it. It was her job after all to protect her children, and by extension, her grandchildren.

Xxx

The blonde stomped toward the master bedroom, furious with her mother. How could she suggest such a thing? There was no way her feelings for Sara had taken a romantic turn. She’d know if they had. Wouldn’t she?

Catherine paused at her door, this was ridiculous. Of course she’d know, they were her feelings after all. The sudden bout of uncertainty was due entirely to her mother’s insanity. It was rubbing off on her and she needed to get it under control, right now. If it hadn’t been for the cuddling/groping incident the other morning she wouldn’t even be questioning herself.

She could feel heat creeping up her cheeks at memory of waking up in the lanky brunette’s arms. It didn’t mean a damn thing that she had enjoyed it, she loved to snuggle, it could have been anyone and she would have felt the same way. Right? Catherine shook her head to rid herself of the questioning thoughts. There was no point in thinking about this right now. She needed to go in there, check on Sara and her daughter and get some much needed sleep.

Catherine opened the door quietly and eased in. She thought she had made it without disturbing the room’s occupants until she turned around.

“Cath, is everything all right?”

Crap. The argument in the hall must have been louder than she’d thought. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’ok, I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.” Sara could see in the dim light coming from the half opened bathroom door that the blonde didn’t want to talk about whatever she and her mother had been arguing about. She’d ask Catherine about it later, when they weren’t both tired and Lindsey wasn’t snoozing next to her.

One close look at the brunette’s face in the diffused illumination in the room told the blonde that Sara was being truthful. The brunette had been laying there in bed with her arms wrapped like a human security blanket around Lindsey, keeping a silent vigil over the girl and once again putting someone else’s needs ahead of her own. Catherine sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a few errant strands of gold out of her daughter’s innocent face. “How’d she do after we got off the phone?”

“She went right back to sleep.” Sara shifted her gaze from the little cherub beside her to Catherine, unsure if she had made the right decision regarding the girl. “I told her she could stay in here. I hope that’s okay. I mean I know how hard it can be to go back to sleep after a nightmare and she needed the rest.”

The blonde could see Sara’s insecure nature raising its ugly head and hurried to drive in back into the deep dark hole it belonged in. “It’s fine. Actually it’s more than fine. Thank you for taking care of her.” Catherine pulled her hand away from her daughter and brought it to rest on the brunette’s cheek. “And thank you for calling me. You don’t know how much I needed to hear both of your voices right then. I just wish I could have been here.”

“I’m sorry Ecklie’s such a class A jackass.”

“Nothing you can do about it, unless you want to help me get rid of his body.” Catherine grinned down at the brunette, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Just tell me when and where.” Sara smiled back at the blonde.

“I’ll let you know. I’m going to grab a quick shower then I’m coming to bed.” Catherine leaned over and brushed a butterfly soft kiss on the brunette’s forehead before making her way to the adjacent bathroom.

As the hot cleansing spray beat down on her back, the blonde considered her actions. Over the past couple of weeks, showing physical affection to the younger woman had become routine and she’d barely given it a thought other than to wonder once or twice at how natural it felt. Until her mother went and opened her big mouth. Now she was second guessing herself. The contact they shared had been always been comforting, for both she and Sara, but she had enjoyed it. The question now was had she taken more pleasure from the touches than was strictly proper for someone that was just a friend?

As she climbed out of the shower, she silently cursed Lily and her damn theories. She quickly dried herself and slipped on her favorite pajamas, determined to put everything out of her mind. She was about to climb into bed with Sara and Lindsey, there was no way she could be thinking about this now. Not if she wanted to get any sleep.

Catherine’s hand paused on the light switch as she started out of the bathroom. It had been on when she came in and realized the brunette must have left it on for Linds. For a while after Eddie’s death, the girl had been unable to sleep in the dark. It made sense that she’d ask Sara to leave it on now. They hadn’t talked about the nightmare that had woken her daughter up, but considering the past few weeks, her first night back to work, it was easy to guess it that it had been about her.

The blonde pulled the door almost closed and quietly made her way to her side of the bed. She eased under the blankets and scooted as close to her daughter as she could. With Lindsey in the middle she could cuddle to her hearts content without fear of stepping over the line again. Catherine looked over the slumbering child at the woman holding her so protectively. Half-lidded brown eyes gazed back at her and she reached across the girl and laid her arm on Sara’s. “Its okay sweetie, you can sleep now.”

Catherine could barely make out a mumbled ‘yes dear’ as Sara’s eyes fluttered a few times and then closed. A crooked little grin remained on the woman’s lips as her breathing evened out and Morpheus finally pulled her into his domain. It really didn’t surprise the blonde that the younger woman had stayed awake until she came to bed, even though it was obvious the brunette was exhausted. But why the hell did she have to go and do it now? Why couldn’t she have already been asleep? Why did she have to look at her with those captivating chocolate eyes so full of gentle care? Because once again her mother’s words were bouncing around her head again like one those super balls Lindsey had loved when she was younger.

The blonde knew that there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that she was going to get to sleep now, not with Sara looking for all the world like a mother lion curled protectively around her cub. And why did the picture they made together have to look so damn natural? Catherine knew that the only way she was going to get any rest tonight was to resolve the issue and there was only one way she knew how to do that. Follow the evidence.

Grissom was always telling them to leave their feelings at home and concentrate on the evidence, because evidence didn’t lie. But what if the only evidence you had, was your emotions? What if it was your feelings that you were trying to investigate? Where did you start? Trust? That was a no-brainer. She trusted Sara on a level that she had never thought it possible to trust someone. She didn’t just trust the younger woman with her life, she trusted her with Lindsey’s. Next. Attraction?

That one was a little harder to pin down. Catherine had noticed the lanky brunette’s beauty from the beginning, but that didn’t mean she was attracted to her. Of course over the last five years she had spent so much time and energy keeping the woman at arms length that she had never really let herself think about it. What about now? There was no doubt that she was drawn to the gentle soul she was still getting know, but what about physically?

Since she was being honest, Catherine could admit to herself that she really did enjoy holding the younger woman. Being allowed the sort of contact Sara shied away from with everyone but the people she trusted most, was a heady experience. But being held in the brunette’s strong thin arms felt even better. She had enjoyed waking up, snuggled against the warm lithe body. There had been a definite physical reaction to the contact. And then there was bath time.

When Sara had first gotten out of the hospital, the only thing that had concerned Cath was the deep ugly bruises and the jagged lacerations marring the leggy woman’s skin. As time had gone on, and the wounds began to heal and fade, she had noticed the supple body for itself instead of the damage to it. Once or twice Catherine had noticed it to the point that she’d had to focus on a chipped wall tile until she could get her labored breathing and erratic heart rate under control.

At the time she had told herself that it was just a memory of those three hellish days resurfacing at the sight of the still angry red elliptical scar on each side of Sara’s shoulder. But now that she was being honest… She had to admit that it was the soft curves sheathed in milky white skin that had had her so flustered. It was obvious now that she needed to put a great big check mark next to the attraction column. But trust and desire do not love make.

Ok, so what else? Well, she thought about the younger woman constantly when they were apart, even if was just for an hour. She’d almost go so far as to say she craved being near the willowy brunette. At first it had been an almost irrational need to see for herself that Sara was all right, that she really was alive and well. Somewhere along the way that had changed. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but Cath knew she just liked being around her.

Whenever Sara smiled, a real honest-to-god-gap-toothed-Sidle-smile, she couldn’t help but smile in return. And just the sight of the brunette interacting with Lindsey, whether it was watching tv, doing homework or just talking about school, Catherine always got a feeling a warmth that started in her stomach and spread through her entire body. She couldn’t even imagine not having the younger woman in her and her daughter’s life anymore.

Looking now at Sara’s face, so relaxed and vulnerable in sleep, Catherine could feel little butterflies doing aerial acrobatics in her stomach. No, she wasn’t in love with the brunette. But heaven help her she was falling in that direction at Mach 5 speed.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

TBC

A bunch of random crap...

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:53:24 GMT

My neighbor's (the crazy ho) huge labs not only dug a hole under my fence, they knocked two of the slats down and were trying to break down my gate. So when I got home, instead of going to the park like I'd planned, I got to fix the the fence.

Our shop cat is only about 70% tamed after four weeks. Since she decided that she actually liked being petted she has become a total attention whore. She will run in front of you and tries to keep you there. I finally got to see her kitten today though, and he is the cutest thing ever. I so want to bring him home but Bill had already claimed him. Asshole.

I need to go buy my nephew a cheap but decent laptop. I gave him my old one, but he got a shitload of virus's and when I tried to tried to wipe the hard drive it basically blew up. Well it was old and slow anyway and he needs something better for his schoolwork.

I'm going this weekend to look at new mountain bikes. There are a couple of good bike shops in town and I hope I can find something that fits my short ass.

The guys at work want me to go with them to Little Sturgis, KY, in July. I'm thinking about going, but I haven't really made up my mind yet. I don't drink and it seems like that pretty much all they do at those things. I don't know... it might be okay. I'll probably wait till the last minute to decide.

Oh! and the Tigers won! I thought for sure they were about to blow it.

Fic : Demons Part 28

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:19:51 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 28
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 28

Sara turned her head to gaze at her slumbering bedmate. It was three in morning and she should be sleeping but a couple of days ago she’d finally convinced the older woman that she really didn’t need a whole pain pill anymore. It seemed that without the full dose her natural sleeping habits were reasserting themselves at record speed. That in and of itself didn’t bother her. She had long ago gotten accustomed to surviving on four or five hours of sleep a day. What she wasn’t used to was lying in bed with nothing to occupy her mind, which was why she found herself watching the moonlight turn Catherine’s hair into a shining halo and her skin to alabaster. One of the masters couldn’t have sculpted a more perfect angel.

Sara knew she was allowing herself to become too attached to the blonde, but she just couldn’t seem to help herself. No one in her life had ever really taken care of her the way Catherine was. Her parents had always been loathed to get her medical attention when she needed it and they had never taken her back for follow up visits. She couldn’t even imagine her mother sitting in a waiting room for four hours to get stitches removed. Laura had always done that herself, sometimes taking them out too early so that the wound reopened, but usually leaving them in too long so that they pulled painfully as they were ripped out of Sara’s tender skin. Catherine though had never once complained the entire time they were at the hospital; she had simply held her hand and placed soft kisses in her hair every time the doctor had caused her to wince. Then the older woman had allowed Sara to do the same when her own stitches were taken out.

It was strange for her to open up so much to someone, to trust someone this way. In her experience trust had always led to disappointment and pain. But Sara couldn’t bring herself to doubt Catherine, not after all they had gone through and everything the older woman had done for her. Even the department shrink had agreed that having the blonde’s support was probably the reason Sara was doing as well as she was. Of course having prior knowledge of her past had probably helped the doctor come to that conclusion.

She didn’t know if it was by accident or design but somehow she’d found herself sitting on her former PEAP counselor’s couch. Sara had known that Dr. Ruth Burton was a full fledged psychologist but she had assumed the portly salt and pepper haired woman limited her participation in the Police Employee’s Assistance Program to the drug and alcohol counseling services. It had made it a lot easier on her though, she didn’t have to explain her background to someone new.

A groan interrupted her thoughts and Sara focused on the woman beside her. Even in the dim light coming through the curtains the brunette could see the fear marring the blonde’s face as she struggled within the nightmare. She scooted over as close as she could and ran her hand up and down Catherine’s arm in an effort to ease the older woman out of the dream.

The blonde relaxed almost immediately and Sara sighed in relief. She knew Catherine was losing sleep every night because of the brunette’s own nightmares and she wanted to make sure the woman was well rested for her return to the lab tomorrow. She didn’t know how she was going to handle trying to sleep on her own, but she couldn’t say anything. It would only upset the older woman and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Cath needed to be able to focus on work, not on whether or not Sara was afraid to be by herself.

As the blonde settled back into peaceful slumber Sara moved back toward her side of the bed. She knew she was probably just being paranoid, and she didn’t think Catherine would mind her touching her like that when she was asleep, but she didn’t want to take the chance that the woman would wake up and be offended. Anything that might drive a wedge into their newly established friendship was something she wanted to stay as far away from as possible.

Closing her eyes, the brunette tried to relax. She didn’t know what she was going to do with herself for the next few hours if she couldn’t get back to sleep. Lying there in the dark with nothing but her thoughts to occupy her was extremely unappealing but she didn’t want to leave in case the blonde’s sleep was disturbed again.

As if the brunette’s thoughts had called back Catherine’s demons from whatever abyss they had briefly retreated to, a whimper, low and mournful, escaped from the woman. Sara reached for the blonde once more but before she could touch the silky skin, she found herself being used as a human pillow. This was a first. The few times she’d woken up before Cath, the brunette usually found the blonde’s hand resting lightly on her stomach or over her heart, as if the woman had wanted contact but was being careful and protective of her even in sleep. But this was the first time the woman had practically climbed on top of her. Luckily she had healed enough so that as the lithe body snuggled into her own the groan that escaped her lips was only partially due to physical discomfort.

Sara’s libido suddenly roared back to life as Catherine’s furnace like petite body wiggled and slid against hers in an effort to find a more comfortable position and an elegant hand brushed across a very sensitive part of her anatomy. Pulling out a mental two by four, she beat her hormones into submission. This was definitely not the time or place for feelings she had believed long gone to resurface. It was pointless to go down that road again. All it would get her was another unrequited love for another unattainable person, and that was the last thing she needed. Because this time she was sure that was what it would be, love. Not some little crush, not merely a physical attraction but full blown, heart stealing, mind consuming, life eclipsing love.

The first time around it had been more an appreciation of the older woman’s outer beauty and forceful personality, more lust than crush. But now that she knew the real Catherine Willows, the caring, supportive, compassionate, hug giving, top of the head kissing, protecting her from herself woman, it was so hard to keep patching the chips in her walls that the blonde kept knocking out. But she had to. If she let those heavy stones around her fall, her heart was going to be obliterated and she didn’t know if she would be able to recover from that.

Sara forced herself to calm down. She could do this. Cath was more important than her momentarily confused feelings. She could hold the older woman in her arms and allow the blonde to get a good night’s rest, after all the kind-hearted woman had done so much more than that for her. All she had to do was keep reminding herself that she wasn’t in love Catherine Willows, she was her friend and physiological responses to pleasurable stimuli meant nothing at all. Nope, it didn’t mean a thing. She continued to repeat that simple statement like a mantra until sleep eventually reclaimed her.

Xxx

Catherine woke slowly, easily. There was no pre-teen yelling, no phone ringing, no alarm clock blaring, just a blissful silence and a warm soft pillow under her head. There was such a sense of peace and tranquility within her that she hadn’t felt in such a long time, she was reluctant to open her eyes because she just knew the second she did something was going to demand her attention.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so rested and she just wanted that feeling to last a little longer before she had to wrangle her daughter out of bed and convince her that, yes she really had to go to school today. A few more minutes before her mother stumbled out of her room and started complaining about how much time Cath spent at work, how she never saw Lindsey, how she was ruining both their lives. A second or two before Lily started the latest tactic in her campaign to drive Catherine insane. Lately it seemed like every time she turned around her mom was there watching her, scrutinizing her every move. It was driving her up the wall. She just wanted a few more moments to enjoy the arms wrapped so protectively around her before she had to deal with any of it. Was that to much to ask?

Arms? That wasn’t right. The blonde’s eyes flew open and she propelled backward when she realized that not only was her head resting on Sara’s chest but her hand was grasping the woman’s breast. She would have ended up in a heap on floor if not for the impossibly long toned legs entwined with her own. Catherine’s heart was beating faster than a humming bird’s wings as she looked up into sleepy and confused brown eyes. “Oh god Sara I’m sorry! Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Sara stared at the blonde in confusion. No one could ever accuse her of being a morning person and since she had only been awake for a matter of seconds she was a little disoriented. “Huh?”

Catherine was torn between embarrassment because she’d been draped rather intimately over the younger woman and concern that she might have harmed Sara in her unconscious search for a cuddle buddy. “Why didn’t you wake me up and tell me to get off you?”

“Um, because I was asleep?” Although Sara hadn’t had her first cup of coffee yet, it seemed like a pretty good explanation. “Its fine, I’m fine. No harm no foul.”

Unconscious or not, Catherine was completely mortified that she had been groping the injured woman. She needed to get away from Sara before she caused herself any more humiliation. “I should go make sure Lindsey’s up. I don’t want her to be late for school.”

Sara was suddenly wide awake and her heart clinched painfully in her chest as the blonde rushed out of the room and away from her. How could she have been so stupid? No matter how she had rationalized it, holding the older woman without her permission or knowledge was the wrong thing to do. Obviously she had been right to be hesitant to touch Catherine the night before, the blonde wasn’t as comfortable with her as she’d pretended to be.

Yes blonde seemed fine when she was the one initiating contact, but then she was the one in control. Not that Sara blamed her one bit. She would have a hard time trusting anyone who had nearly assaulted her, whether they had been tortured and drugged or not. Catherine had been more than amazing throughout this whole ordeal, but she had just gone and ruined it. And of course the annoyingly fatalistic voice in her head that sounded a lot like her mother decided to throw its two cents in to add to her misery.

‘You see! That’s what you get. You should know better by now than to let anyone close. No one has ever given a damn about you and they never will. She couldn’t get away from you fast enough you waste of air.’

There was only one thing she could think of to fix the situation. It wouldn’t be easy but it had to be done before the older woman decided that she completely hated her.

Xxx

Catherine absently flipped the last pancake onto a plate and placed it on the table in easy reach of her daughter. The entire time she had been cooking she had expected Sara to make an appearance but so far she had seen neither hide nor hair of the brunette. That meant the younger woman wasn’t as ok with what had happened as she had said. She could just absolutely kick herself.

The last thing Sara needed was any sort of sexual contact, even if it had been completely innocent and unintentional. Hell, hadn’t she ripped Grissom a new one just for telling the woman about his feelings when everything the brunette had gone through was still so fresh and raw? How was she supposed to look her in the face after she had practically mauled her? What the hell had changed last night that she couldn’t keep her damn hands to herself? Cath had been so careful up till now to stay on her side of the bed and only keep one hand on Sara to reassure herself that the battered woman was actually there, alive and safe.

The blonde had always loved to snuggle while sleeping. It was one of the only things she actually missed about being married to Eddie. With the relationships she’d had after her divorce, it just hadn’t been an option. She didn’t bring her boyfriends to her house and she couldn’t really sleep over at their place because she needed to be home for Lindsey as much as she could. It had been a rather lonely existence most of the time but she had gladly endured it to keep her daughter from being exposed to the losers and creeps that she seemed to attract.

Sara made her feel safe though and she had relaxed her guard enough to end up in this morning’s embarrassing position. But as awkward as that had been, the way she had woken up didn’t weigh as heavily on her mind as the fact that she had enjoyed it. For those few moments before she realized what she was doing Catherine had felt so secure and comfortable, it had felt so right, that she had relished the contact. But it was so very wrong. She had selfishly used the brunette and it made her sick to her stomach to think she was capable of that. It also seemed that the department shrink was off in his assessment that she was more concerned about Sara than she was herself.

“Catherine, I understand that Sara went through a horrible ordeal, but I’d like to hear more about what happened to you. How you felt, how you’re dealing with everything, how you’re sleeping.”

“I already told you I’m fine. I don’t know what else you want me to say. That I was scared? Well I wasn’t, I was terrified. I was terrified that my daughter was going to grow up without me there, that she was going to be an orphan. I was terrified I was going to raped and murdered. But when Sara started screaming…there’s no way I can describe that sound adequately to make you understand what it was like. I’ve never heard anything like it and I pray to god that I never hear it again. But what was worse was I never knew when she stopped if it was because he was letting her rest, she passed out, or because she was dead.

Then after everything she’s been through, she tried to sacrifice herself, not once but twice to save my life. She’s survived so much and it took her almost dying for me to really see her. So yes, maybe I am a little preoccupied with Sara but under the circumstances I think you can see why.” The urge to snap at the rotund man finally beat the last shred of Catherine’s patience into the ground. She knew she was being defensive and unreasonable but she didn’t want to be there and she was worried about how the brunette’s session was going down the hall. It had taken a little doing to get both their appointments at the same time, but she hadn’t wanted Sara to have to sit by herself even for an hour.

“I think I see what the problem is. You’re suffering from a form of survivor’s guilt.” Dr. Delanco held up his hand to forestall the protest he could see his patient was about to make. “Just hear me out. Sara endured torture after torture at the hands of that man, and yet you came through it virtually unscathed. So even though she didn’t die, she was so severely injured physically, mentally and emotionally that it is almost as devastating. But you are not responsible for her pain just because you didn’t suffer. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t help her or look after her, from the sound of things she probably needs that more than anything right now. But I do want you to start thinking about yourself. There’s no need for you to feel guilty if you put yourself first. Now tell me how you’ve been sleeping.”

After their session, Catherine had been surprised when he told her he didn’t see any reason she couldn’t go back to work. Of course he told her if she had any problems to make another appointment with him, but she knew that she wouldn’t. There was no way he could really understand and talking to him wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference.

There was only one person she needed to talk to and if she didn’t gather her courage and do it now there was a chance that she could ruin their new relationship. Leaving her daughter wolfing down pancakes, Catherine made her way back toward her bedroom, trepidation keeping her steps timid. The door loomed in front of her. It was a flimsy, hollow pressed-wood barrier that a small child could probably knock down, but at the moment it seemed to be an impenetrable barricade that she needed to breach.

As her hand hovered millimeters from the handle, she realized that the door’s strength wasn’t in the material from which it was made but in the possibilities of what lay behind it. What if Sara hated her? What if she was in there, feeling betrayed by the trust she had given? There were so many ‘what ifs’ running through her mind that the blonde couldn’t even identify them all.

Catherine stared at her trembling hand and wondered when she had become such a coward. Never regret, never look back. She had once told Grissom that that was how she lived her life. But was that still true? After everything that had happened, could she still say that? Was she not now regretting a momentary lack of control to the point that her stomach was tied in knots and her heart had a strangle hold on her throat at the thought of what the consequences might be?

The only way she was going to find the answer was to open that door. Taking a deep breath, Catherine closed the miniscule distance to the knob and turned it. The sight that greeted her as the door swung open stole the air from her lungs. “You’re leaving?”

Sara’s head snapped up from her almost full suitcase at the strangled cry and just as quickly looked away. She couldn’t bear to see what Catherine might feel about her now. “Under the circumstances I think it’s for the best. I stepped over the line and I am so sorry Cat. I know I shouldn’t have touched you but you were having a nightmare and I just wanted to make sure you got a good night’s sleep since you go back to work tomorrow. I should have gotten up immediately. Please don’t hate me.”

The quiet desperation in the brunette’s voice drove the blonde forward. Catherine gathered the younger woman in her arms and pulled her close. “Sara, no sweetie, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was embarrassed and worried that you were upset with me for grabbing onto you like that. I could never hate you.”

Sara sank into the embrace, relief flooding her body and forcing the fear out of its way. “So we’re ok? You’re not mad at me?”

Catherine leaned back and brought her hands up to cup the younger woman’s face. “No I’m not mad. As long as you’re good, I’m good. You are ok, aren’t you? I understand if you’re upset with me after I uh… you know.”

Sara’s brow furrowed in confusion as the blonde’s eyes suddenly found something off to the left very interesting and a rosy blush spread over her pale cheeks . “No, I don’t know Cath. I’m not exactly very coherent until I’ve had my first cup of coffee.”

The blonde let her hands fall away from the brunette’s face and moved to stand in front of the window. Catherine didn’t think Sara would want her touch after she had confessed, but she had to tell her. “When I woke up… it was just so comforting… safe… it took me a few seconds to realize that I was grabbing your uh… your chest.”

“I don’t…my chest? I don’t get it. Why would…Oh my chest.” Sara eyes went wide as the proverbial light bulb turned on above her head. No wonder the blonde took off like her ass was on fire. Taking in Catherine’s slumped shoulder’s, the brunette knew that now wasn’t the time to be timid or second guess what she was about to do.

Three long strides put Sara directly behind the older woman. Her arms moved almost without volition and wrapped themselves around the petite blonde’s slender waist. “Cat you were asleep, you weren’t in control of your actions. How could I be upset about that? Please don’t let it bother you. It’s really not a big deal.”

Catherine covered the brunette’s arms with her own and leaned back into the tall lithe body. Just saying thank you seemed inadequate but the slight tightening of the long limbs around her waist told her the younger woman understood all that she wanted to say. It was amazing that someone so tenderhearted and caring as Sara was, could come from such a barren and abusive environment. “I left Ecklie a message yesterday. I told him I wanted to take some of my vacation time. If you’re hungry I made pancakes.”

Sara held on as the blonde tried to move away from her. “You shouldn’t be using that time for me. You need to save it and spend it with your daughter Catherine.”

Cath had figured that Sara would object, that was why she had waited till practically the last minute to tell her. It was part of the brunette’s nature to put other people’s happiness and wellbeing before her own. “I have plenty of vacation days saved up, not as many as you, but enough. I need to do this Sara, for you, me and Lindsey. You start physical therapy in a few days, Linds is still anxious about me leaving the house and I don’t think I’m ready to go to work for ten or twelve hours a day when my mind will be here. I don’t just want to stay home, I need to.”

“If it’s for you and Lindsey then you should take the time off. I just don’t want you to waste your days on me.” Sara already felt guilty enough for taking up so much of the blonde’s time, she didn’t want to be responsible for Catherine missing out on a real vacation with her daughter too.

Catherine twisted in the brunette’s now loose embrace, bringing them almost nose to nose. “Even if I used every last second of it doing nothing but sitting and watching you breathe it wouldn’t be a waste. You are important to me and one of these days I’m going to get it through that thick skull of yours.”

The warm hand that came up to gently cup her cheek softened the brusqueness of the blonde’s fierce tone. “I’m sorry I’m just not used to having someone who really cares about me.”

“Well you better get used to it because I’m not going anywhere.” Catherine pulled the taller woman into her arms and held on as tightly as she dared trying to convey something with her touch that she couldn’t even make sense of in her own mind.

“Thank you.” Sara rested her head against the blonde’s. This was what she had been missing her entire life. It didn’t matter that only minutes ago she had been packing. It had been a stupid misunderstanding on both their parts, but it had been resolved and a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Catherine held the embrace for a few moments after the brunette’s whispered words of gratitude trying to get the sudden surge of anger under control. She pulled back so that she could look directly into Sara’s soulful mahogany eyes. “Don’t you ever thank me or anyone else for caring about you. Don’t thank someone for giving you what you deserve.”

There was so much anger in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes that Sara wanted to look away in shame, but there was also something in the fathomless depths that she had never seen before and it ensnared her. It was like she was drowning in a warm sapphire sea, floating on gentle waves that cradled her in their watery embrace. For the first time in her life she felt completely and absolutely safe. Whatever that unknown element was it was pulling her closer and Sara felt a shiver of fear mixed with excitement travel the length of her spine. But before she could even begin to examine it or figure out what was going on a slamming door broke the moment and snapped her back to reality.

Catherine took a step back, uncertain what had just happened. Something had passed between them, or been on the verge of it, but for the life of her she didn’t know what. She had a feeling it was important but whatever it was would have to wait though, her mother was obviously up and Lindsey was still in the kitchen most likely stuffing her face. “If you’re hungry we’d better hurry before the black hole that masquerades as my daughter sucks all the pancakes into that bottomless pit she calls a stomach.”

As the older woman started for the door, Sara gave herself a hard mental shake. She was obviously still a little off balance by the morning’s little drama because she was seeing things. Yeah that had to be it, her imagination was working overtime. There couldn’t have been some mystery emotion in the blonde’s eyes. It was just the same warmth and compassion she’d seen every day since their rescue. Anything else was just her own confusion surfacing.

Moving to follow Catherine to the kitchen, Sara nodded her head. She was just confused. That had to be it. Her mind was just playing tricks on her. This time tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

TBC

Fic : Demons Part 27

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 01:09:02 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 27
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 27

Catherine ran her hand over the younger woman’s dark chestnut mane, one last bit of contact before she was forced to leave Sara to face the wolves alone. “We’ll be right outside if you need us.”

The brunette looked up at Catherine and gave her a weak smile. Sara wished that the blonde or Brass were allowed to stay with her but since they were both involved they couldn’t. The two of them had coached her all morning, right up until they had pulled into the parking lot. Yes or no, don’t elaborate unless asked. Keep it simple. Don’t volunteer information, they don’t want or need to know the details of her personal life. It wasn’t the Spanish Inquisition, just something that had to be done for procedures sake. And none of that made it any easier because she was still afraid she was going to slip up and say something neither she nor Cath wanted on the record.

As her friends exited the two men that had been waiting just inside the door settled themselves behind the large oak desk. Sara took a deep breath to try to calm her nerves. She didn’t want, maybe couldn’t afford, to look weak in front of these men. If either of them sensed she wasn’t being truthful, that she was hiding something, the consequences could be catastrophic.

“Ms. Sidle before we get started I would like to offer the department’s deepest sympathies for what happened to you. As much leave time as you need will be made available to you, full benefits of course. Your job will be right here waiting for you.” Brian Mobley was still doing damage control over the entire fiasco. Two cops dead, two CSI’s abducted from under their noses, it was a PR nightmare. So far they’d been able to keep most of the details out of press which was good, but if the woman across from him decided to sue everything would come out and his chances for reelection would pretty much be in the toilet.

“My name is Keith Toler, Ms. Sidle. I’m a lieutenant with Internal Affairs. This is really just a formality. From statements taken from Captain Brass and Catherine Willows and the forensic evidence gathered at the scenes we already know a good deal of what happened. All we need is for you to fill in the holes.” The short blonde man didn’t really agree with how the whole case was being handled, two officers and a suspect were dead, someone should be held at least partly responsible. But word had come down from the top of the political food chain and he knew for the sake of his career that it was better not to question it.

“Before we officially get started would you care for anything? Water? Coffee?” Brian tried to put the obviously uncomfortable woman at ease.

“Uh, no thank you.” Sara still wasn’t sure why they were being so solicitous but decided to go with Brass’s explanation that they just want to sweep the entire thing under the rug as quickly as possible.

Toler placed a portable tape recorder on the table and glanced at the room’s other two occupants before pressing the button. “This is Lieutenant Keith Toler IAB along with Sheriff Brian Mobley, interviewing CSI3 Sara Sidle.”

In the back of Sara’s mind, she heard the IAB cop giving the date, time, file number and a brief synopsis of the case but her focus was on the tiny wheels turning inside the recorder. She despised lying and here she was about to do it on tape. Her words were going to be magnetically encoded onto a thin plastic strip coated with ferric oxide powder. Later it would be transcribed and entered into a computer where it would be saved to a hard drive. Maybe not an indelible record of her duplicity, but it was damn close. Could she live with that? A lie of omission was still a lie. But did she have a choice at this point? As much as she hated lying, she hated breaking promises more. And she had made a promise to Catherine and Jim.

“Miss Sidle lets begin with Officer Hankins death.”

Sara snapped back to the present and swallowed the bile threatening to slide up her throat. As she opened her mouth she caught sight of a small figurine and felt her nerves settle a bit. The little bear was the perfect avatar for the man that normally sat behind the desk. Jim Brass was a papa bear if ever she had seen one, to her at least, and seeing this representation of him was almost like having the burley detective there with her. “I’m not really sure what time it was, but I think it was close to four when…”

Xxx

“Do you think she’s okay?” Catherine’s eyes were locked on the glass door to the homicide captain’s office. Sara’s interview had only started five minutes ago, and the blonde was already fighting the desire to pace the floor or rush back into the room.

Jim reached up and lightly patted the woman’s shoulder. He knew exactly how she was feeling. “I think she’ll be fine. But if she’s not, she’s got both of us to help her. At least I got them to agree to do the interview in my office instead of one of the interview rooms. Sara’s familiar with it and it’s nowhere near as intimidating as sitting on the wrong side of an interrogation table.”

“Yeah but why call her in here on Sunday? Why couldn’t they at least give her another day and do this tomorrow?” Cath knew that the only reason they had agreed to wait as long as they had was because she had raised a stink. She was lucky they hadn’t called the brunette down there the second she stepped out of the hospital’s front door.

The detective gave the blonde a grin. He really loved how protective she was of Sara these days. “Look at it this way. When was the last time you saw Ecklie come in on the weekend for anything other than a chance to kiss ass or to prove what a good little toady he is?”

Catherine had to smile at that. At least Sara would be spared having to deal with that sanctimonious little snake. “And let me guess, someone conveniently forgot to tell him her interview was today?”

“Damn, I knew there was something else I was supposed to do. Oh well, I guess he’ll just have to read the report.”

Xxx

“What the hell is taking so long?” Catherine was sure she had worn a rut in the plain tile floor outside the detective’s office.

“Relax Cath, these things take time.” The truth was Brass was getting a little nervous himself, but he wanted to keep the blonde as calm as possible.

“They’ve been in there over an hour! Don’t they understand how hard it is to have to relive everything that happened?” It had to be a hundred times worse for Sara than it had been for her and every minute that went by added to the CSI’s worry. It was taking everything Catherine had not to march into that room and pull the brunette out of there.

“A lot happened to her, it’s going to take a while to go through it all. But you need to calm down because you are not going to be any good to her when she comes out of there if you’re upset. Why don’t we go grab a cup of bad coffee while we’re waiting?” Jim hated that Sara had to go through this but she didn’t have a choice.

“No I told her we’d be right here and I’m not leaving.” Catherine leaned against the far wall and tried to get herself under control. Brass was right, Sara didn’t need to see her scared and nervous, she needed her to be strong.

Xxx

“Thank you Ms. Sidle, we know this was difficult and we appreciate your cooperation.” Lt. Toler nodded to the woman as he stood. Now that he really understood what had happened, in graphic detail, he was more than happy to write this case off and bury it in the darkest corner of the LVPD basement that he could find.

“I want you to know that all the department’s resources are at your disposal. Whatever you need will be made available to you.” Sheriff Mobley rose to stand next to the IAB officer. “Would you like some help out?”

“Oh no, thank you. I think I’m just going to sit here for a few minutes.” Sara watched the two men leave with detachment. She was surprised that it was over so quickly. Then again she couldn’t remember most of the interview so her sense of time might be a little off.

The beginning had been as horrible as she had feared. All the terror, all the pain, had come rushing at her like an enraged bull charging a matador. Even knowing Catherine and Jim were just outside, even seeing that tiny figurine on the detective’s desk that had given her strength at first, hadn’t helped once she had actually started talking and describing everything she had suffered. But it soon changed.

She didn’t know when it started, hadn’t noticed the slow withdrawal, but at some point Sara’s mind had simply left her body even as the words continued to pour out of her mouth. It was almost like the defense mechanism she had used as a small child when she would lose herself in her head to escape the pain or the fighting.

The brunette had been vaguely aware of herself. It was like she was floating outside herself, an ethereal being, able to see pale images around her but not hear or feel. She was smoke, and nothing could touch her. But now she had rematerialized and every last lingering ache of her battered body was returning. Her mind however was still numb and Sara was suddenly very tired.

Xxx

As Brian Mobley shook the IAB officer’s hand and bade him goodbye he noticed the two obviously concerned people hovering just at the edge of what would be considered an appropriate distance from a private conversation. He waited until the blonde man turned and walked away before he addressed the woman. “Catherine, I understand that Miss Sidle is staying with you?”

The blonde silently cursed the sheriff’s sudden need to make small talk. Catherine had no interest in chatting with him, she just wanted to get to Sara and make sure the brunette was all right. “She can’t stay by herself right now and since I’m on medical leave as well I thought it best.”

“Good, that’s good. If she hasn’t already, I think you should convince her to start counseling as soon as possible. Sidle has one of the best solve rates in the department and I’d hate to lose her.” The brunette’s almost mechanical answers had concerned him. He hadn’t had much contact with Sara, and when he did she had always seemed to be on the periphery, the entomologist and the new swing-shift supervisor always taking the spotlight. Mobley had been a little surprised to learn that the brunette was second only to Gil Grissom when it came to successfully closing cases.

This debacle had given Brian the opportunity to study Sara’s file in depth. While she had a few disciplinary actions in her jacket, no more than most and less than some, she was a dedicated investigator that went the extra mile to solve her cases. As her overtime every month clearly attested to. You didn’t just let people like that go if there was anything you could do to keep them.

“We both have appointments with the department psychologist this week.” Catherine confided absently as she edged toward the open office door.

“Excellent. I’m glad you’re looking out for her and yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me I have another meeting I need to get to.”

Catherine didn’t bother to acknowledge his farewell or the fact that he hadn’t waited for her or Brass to respond, she was already halfway across the hall. Something about the way he had mentioned therapy for Sara had set her on edge. As she entered the office the sight that greeted her caught the blonde by surprise. The lanky brunette wasn’t crying or shaking, she was simply slumped in her chair, starring off into space. She came around the younger woman and knelt down so that she was at eye level with her. “Sara are you okay?”

“Fine, I’m fine. It went better than I thought it would.” She didn’t remember most of the session, but given how it ended it must have gone well.

“Are you sure kiddo? You look a little pale.” Jim kept his voice as soft. He didn’t like the pallor of the brunette’s face or the slightly hollow look in her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m good but I’d like to go home now. I’m kind of tired.” Sara shifted her gaze between her two friends. She could see the worry in their eyes and hated the fact that she had put it there, yet again. But she had no way to explain to them what had happened without sounding a little crazy. How do you tell someone that you became a ghost for a little while without them calling the nice men in white coats to come take you to a nice padded room?

Catherine stood and moved to the brunette’s side and the detective mirrored her actions. Together they helped the woman up and out of the building. After getting Sara into the back seat of Brass’s non-descript sedan, the blonde climbed in and pulled the younger woman close to her body. She wasn’t sure what to do, there were no tears to dry, no tremors to sooth, no obvious fears to chase away, nothing to do but hold the disturbingly quite woman and hope it was enough.

Xxx

Catherine glanced over at the brunette, still surprised at the serene expression on her face. The moment they had walked into the house something in the younger woman seemed to awaken, to come back to life. Now Sara was sitting on the sofa with her daughter watching some stupid show on MTV, smiling down at the girl snuggled up to her side. She had tried to put the lanky woman to bed when they returned but the second Lindsey had come barreling into the room, the brunette claimed she was feeling fine and let the youngest Willows drag her into the living room barely taking the time to say goodbye to Jim as he left to get some sleep before his shift.

From the corner of her eye, Sara watched the older woman watch her. She could tell Cath was confused by the sudden turnaround but to her it was so simple. Halfway back to the blonde’s house, she realized she had asked to be taken home and she hadn’t been referring to her apartment. She had spent the rest of the ride thinking about what that might mean but it really only became clear when she stepped through the front door.

In two days Catherine’s house had come to feel more like a home than her small apartment ever had. It had quickly become a sanctuary, a refuge. But it wasn’t the building that made her feel that way, it was the people within it. For the first time in what seemed forever she felt like someone genuinely cared about her, like she almost had a family that wanted her. It was a heady feeling for someone who had been denied that most of her life and she didn’t want to miss a second of it.

“Lindsey have you finished your homework yet?” The day was half gone and Catherine didn’t want the girl to have to rush to get it done before bed. She also wanted a few minutes to talk to Sara without a pair of sharp little ears listening in.

“Do I have to? I don’t have that much and another episode is coming on.” Lindsey really didn’t care about the show. She just didn’t want to give up her spot next to the lanky brunette.

“Yes you have to. Now go.” Catherine turned the mom voice on her daughter, letting her know that she wasn’t in the mood to argue.

Lindsey didn’t bother to try and plead her case. She knew it was useless when her mother used that tone. After a quick kiss to Sara’s cheek she stomped off to her room leaving the two women alone.

Catherine waited until she heard the girl’s door slam before she took the place her daughter had vacated. “Sara, are you sure you’re all right? When we left PD you seemed so out of it and now your sitting here laughing and cutting up with Linds.”

The brunette reached over and took the blonde’s hand, entwining their fingers. “During the interview I sort of blanked out. I’m not really sure what I said in there because it’s mostly a blur, but from the way the sheriff and the guy from IAB acted when they left I’m pretty sure it went okay. They didn’t fire me on the spot anyway.” Sara didn’t want Catherine to worry about her but she wasn’t sure she could adequately describe what had happened. So she had to settle for the simplified version.

“They’re not going to either. Mobley wanted to make sure that you had set up counseling sessions because he didn’t want to lose such a valuable asset to the lab. He’s very impressed with your solve rate by the way.” Catherine thought it was a little dehumanizing, to be thought of only as a set of statistics and not a person but she also understood it from a management point of view.

“He looked that up?” The brunette shook her head. It wasn’t really that important, all that mattered was that she wasn’t going to lose her job. “You know I’ve always hated shrinks, especially when I was a kid. How can they tell you how you’re supposed to feel about something that they’ve never experienced, never lived through? The only times I’ve ever gone to one was because I was forced. And I really don’t want to go now but I will because I want to go back to work. I want my life back and that’s the only way to do it.”

Sara vividly remembered the first psychiatrist she’d had to see after her father’s death. The beady-eyed little bald man had been clueless and condescending and after the second visit she’d refused to go back and no matter how much her social worker and foster parents had insisted, and later threatened, nothing could persuade her to change her mind.

Catherine turned to face the younger woman. It seemed that Sara had purposely skipped over part of her original question and she didn’t want her to evade it again. “Okay, I can understand all that. What I don’t get is why you suddenly perked up the moment we got home and acted like there was nothing wrong.”

Sara broke eye contact with Catherine as a dark blush bloomed on her cheeks and she silently prayed that she wasn’t about to say too much. She didn’t want the blonde to feel obligated to her in any way, or put the older woman off by how much she’d come to depend on her. “Because once we pulled into the driveway, there wasn’t. Being here with you and Lindsey makes me feel safe, like nothing bad can touch me.”

“Yeah well I feel a lot safer with you here too. One, I can keep an eye on you and make sure you’re not getting yourself into trouble trying to do things before you’re ready. And two, after watching you jump on Thomas’ back, black and blue from head to toe with a hole in your shoulder, I wouldn’t be scared even if the devil himself showed up at the front door because I know you would kick his ass.” Although it sounded like she was joking, Catherine had never been more truthful. She knew firsthand that Sara would fight for her with her last breath.

“I could use my cast as a club and beat him over the head with it.” Sara could hear the sincerity in the blonde’s voice and fought back the tears suddenly welling in her eyes with humor. She managed a crooked grin for the older woman even though her chest had become almost painfully tight at Catherine’s faith in her.

The blonde didn’t miss the moisture gathering in the corners of the brunette’s soulful eyes. She threw her arm over the back of the couch and let it settle over Sara’s thin, but strong shoulders. “I don’t mean to sound like a broken record but are you sure you’re all right?”

Sara took the silent invitation and rested her head in the hollow of the blonde’s neck and sighed as willowy arms surrounded her. It was hard not to be okay when on the receiving end of one of Catherine’s hugs. “I’m good. I promise.” She left the ‘as long as you’re here’ that suddenly popped into her head unspoken. It would only embarrass her and it might make the blonde uncomfortable.

Catherine turned her head and pressed her lips lightly to the silky chestnut locks of Sara’s head, taking in the lingering scent of lavender from the shampoo she’d used to wash the thick hair. As the younger woman snuggled closer to her, the blonde sighed and settled back. She had touched Sara more in the last week than she had in the previous five years combined and it was still a little amazing to her that they could be so physical and so comfortable with each other.

Two weeks ago she would have never dreamed of holding the normally aloof woman like this and now she didn’t even like thinking about not being able to do it because she got as much comfort from it as brunette did. There was something about putting her arms around the younger woman’s lanky form that put her at ease and made things seem better. She hated to think what was going to happen when Sara eventually went back to her own home or if the brunette crawled back into her shell and reverted back to her standoffish ways. Because even though Catherine hated the way it had come about, she definitely liked this new friendship and closeness with the younger woman and would do all she could to keep it.

Lily retreated back to her room as quietly as she could. The slamming of her granddaughter’s door had brought her out just in time to witness the exchange between her daughter and the brunette from the beginning. Since Sara had come to stay with them she had tried to keep an eye on the two women but hadn’t had a real chance to observe them alone until now. So she had grabbed the opportunity and what the older blonde had seen and heard caused her more than a twinge of concern.

Catherine had always been a tactile person so Lily hadn’t been too worried about the small touches that passed between the two women. What she had just seen though, the tenderness in the way her daughter caressed and kissed the brunette’s hair and held her close caused a tiny red flag to go up. That wasn’t something you did with causal friends. Maybe her granddaughter’s assertion that the two were attracted to each other wasn’t as far fetched as she had first thought.

Her daughter had been incredibly lucky thus far. Catherine had put herself through school all while raising a child and stripping every night. She’d been given a once in a lifetime opportunity to start over and the blonde had grabbed it with both hands. She was now a respected woman in a male dominated field and Lily didn’t want to see her throw it all away. The backlash of a same-sex relationship in a good ole boys club might not just destroy her career; it could be physically dangerous as well. And then there was Lindsey to think about.

Linds thought it was cool now, but once her friends started calling her and her mother names and making fun of her, she knew it would hurt the girl. Her granddaughter already been through so much with the death of her father that Lily didn’t want to see her in any unnecessary pain when it was completely avoidable. She’d have to wait until she could get Cath alone to talk to her though. Because even though she disapproved of where their relationship might be going, she was still grateful to the brunette for saving her daughter’s life. She didn’t want to hurt Sara but she also couldn’t allow the young woman to hurt Catherine or Lindsey either.

TBC

Fic : Demons Part 26

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 02:25:14 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 26
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 26

“Lindsey, why aren’t you at school?” Grissom tried to smile down at the small blonde as she stood in the open doorway in her pajamas but he was afraid that it came out as more of a grimace. He had thought that he had waited until it was late enough that she would be gone and Sara would be awake.

Lindsey stared at her mom’s former boss for a moment, trying to figure out if he was serious. As he gazed back at her, obviously waiting for an answer, she figured he must be. “It’s Saturday.”

“Oh, well do you know if Sara is up yet? I need to talk to her.” He had completely lost track of the days. It wasn’t the first time it had happened and sadly it probably wouldn’t be the last.

“Her and Mom are in the kitchen fighting.” The tiny blonde stepped back to so the man could enter and pointed toward were the two women were.

Stepping past the child and into the foyer Grissom could hear the swing shift supervisor’s voice echoing through the house followed swiftly by brunette CSI’s exasperated reply.

“Why are you being so stubborn? I thought we settled this last night?”

“We did, until I started making out this list and realized how expensive some of this stuff is. And just for the record, you’re the one being stubborn, not me.”

Sara rolled her eyes as the blonde threw her hands in the air. It was clear that neither one of them wanted to admit defeat. It was also the most ridiculous argument they’d ever had. “I can’t dress myself or even bathe myself, the least you could let me do is pay for my own food. I would’ve had to do that anyway if none of this had happened. You have Lindsey to think about, you should be spending that money on her. Besides, I’m not the type of woman to be kept.”

Catherine stared at the smirk on the lanky woman’s face for a second before letting out a bark of laughter. “Alright fine, you win. I’ll get the money from your account but you are not coming with me and that is final.”

Sara started to gear up to continue to plead her case on that point but a shadow lurking in the doorway stopped her cold. “Grissom, what are you doing here?”

The entomologist cast a quick glance at Catherine but quickly turned his attention to the brunette to avoid the daggers in the blonde’s eyes. “I need to talk to you Sara.”

“Gil you promised.” Catherine quickly stepped in front of the brunette to shield her from the entomologist. He’d obviously chosen to ignore her warning about hiding his body and she was about to show him just what a mistake that was.

Sara peered around the irate blonde at her boss and winced at the pain on his face. He looked exhausted, clothes rumpled, dark shadows smudged under his washed out blue eyes that were normally so vivid and alive, his face pallid and drawn. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, it was clear he was suffering. It was time to do for him what he had never had the guts to do for her.

The brunette grasped the slim hips in front of her and gently guided the blonde out of the way. “It’s okay Cath. Grissom go in the living room and I’ll be there in a minute.”

Catherine scowled as she caught the look of relief on the man’s face as he nodded and shuffled out of the room without even a glance in her direction. Turing back to the younger woman her look softened to one of concern as when she saw how worried Sara was. “If you’re not sure about this just say so and I’ll get rid him.”

“I’m sure that even though I don’t want to do this, I have to.” Sara knew the coming conversation wasn’t going to pleasant but putting it off would only make it harder, on both of them.

Catherine reached up and cupped the brunette’s face. “You don’t have to anything you don’t want to.”

Sara leaned into the touch and wished she could just hide in the kitchen with the blonde. “I need to do this. You saw him, he’s in pain. He needs to move on and he can’t do that until I tell him to.”

The older woman had a feeling that Sara needed to do it so that she could move on as well. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

Sara considered the offer for a moment but knew that it would only make the situation even more tense and uncomfortable than it already was. “No, but if you could stay close by that’d be good.”

“I’ll be right here.” Catherine voice was a little rough as she brushed her thumb over the pale cheek under her hand. It might seem like such a simple thing to most people but she knew how hard it was for Sara to ask.

Sara nodded and forced herself away from the blonde. The stiffness of her battered body made the short trip to the living room seem much longer than the thirty or forty feet it truly was. As she entered the room her eyes were drawn immediately to her boss standing pensively at the window, wringing his hands together. It was hard to reconcile this image with the stoical figure he normally presented.

Grissom turned at the sound of creaking leather and rushed to the brunette’s side as she eased into the corner of the large couch. “Are you okay? Maybe this isn’t this best environment for you to recover in. If you and Catherine are already fighting it can’t be healthy. I’d be happy to…

“Stop.” Sara quickly cut the man off. “This is exactly where I need to be and we weren’t fighting, we were having a small disagreement. It’s going to happen. No one gets along a hundred percent of the time; even best friends have arguments. Now can we just stick to the reason you’re here?” The brunette inwardly winced at the anger in her voice and the slightly hurt look on the man’s face. She didn’t mean to get defensive but just his mere presence was putting her on edge.

Gil took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. He hadn’t really planned on what he was going to say and he hated winging it, but all night he’d felt his chance with her slipping further and further away. “I know my fear of getting involved with you has caused you a lot of pain, and you will never know how sorry I am for that. But if you let me, I’d like to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

Sara absolutely hated the hopeful little smile playing on his lips and had to fight the urge to wipe it off. He really thought he could just waltz in, say a few pretty words and she’d just fall into his arms. “No. I’m sorry you finally figured out what to do about this and I’m sorry you finally think I’m worth the risk, because it’s too late. It has been for a while now.”

“If this is about Brass, surely the two of haven’t been involved long enough for any real feelings to develop. I know you love me Sara, just give me another chance. Please?” Grissom knew how loyal the brunette was. If she felt like she’d made any kind of commitment to the detective it would take a lot to wear her down.

“Ok first of all I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. What does Jim have to do with anything? And second, another chance? God Griss, you’ve had eight years worth of chances! How many is one person supposed to get? How long was I supposed to wait around hoping you’d pull your head out of your ass?” Sara had lost track over the years of just how many times she’d practically thrown herself at the man. How many times had he acted like he cared about her, wanted her, only to turn right back around and act like he’d never said or done anything? Too many.

The stocky man narrowed his eyes at the bruised woman. “Oh come on, I know that the two of you are seeing one another. I saw the two of you kissing yesterday and when I confronted him he didn’t deny it, he just told me it wasn’t any of business.”

“I’m not even going to get into why you were spying on us because I really don’t want to hear your reasons. As for the kiss, you’re one of top investigators in the country and should know better than to jump to conclusions.” Sara held up her hand when the entomologist opened his mouth to interrupt her.

“Jim was right it’s none of your business, but I’m going to tell you because I don’t want any misunderstandings here. Our relationship is purely paternal. Yes he has kissed me, on the forehead and the cheek, the way a dad would. He’s been quietly looking out for me for a while now and when I was in the hospital he came to me and told me that it wasn’t enough for him anymore. He wants to take a more active role as a father figure to me and I want to let him. I’ve never had that. I’m not seeing anyone. Now, the only reason I’m telling you this is so that you understand that what I’m about to say has nothing to do with anyone but me.” Sara took a deep breath and made sure she was looking Grissom straight in the eye. “It really is too late.”

“But since you’re not romantically involved why can’t you give us a chance?” The fact that Brass was not competition for Sara’s affections was a huge weight of his shoulders but it only served to confuse Gil even more.

Sara shook her head. He wasn’t listening and was going to force her to lay it all out for him. Why couldn’t he just take no for an answer? “Because I’m not in love with you. I’m not even sure I ever really was. Certainly I respected you, admired you, aspired to be like you and had a huge case of hero worship. You took an interest in me, in my mind, in what I had to say. After that seminar we met at, you called me to talk about cases, you asked for my opinion, treated me as an equal. No one had ever done that before and I mistook the feelings that created as love.

You know, you did us both a favor by turning me down when I asked you out. It never would have worked. You’re married to your work and even though I’m a workaholic myself, I want more than that. I want to stop working overtime because I can’t stand to be away from someone for one second longer than I have to be. I want someone who doesn’t even have to think about touching me, they just do it because they want to not because they think it’s expected of them. I want someone that doesn’t let the risks of being with me deter them. I want someone that will tell me what they’re feeling and will push me to tell them. I want candlelit dinners and lazy Saturday afternoons in bed and cuddling on the couch not watching stupid movies because we’re more interested in each other. I want to be the center of someone’s universe and I want them to be the center of mine.”

“And you don’t think we could have that, that I could give you that.” Grissom finished the unspoken thought for her. He wanted to tell her that he could do all those things for her, be all those things for her, but he was a realist. He’d had nearly half a century to get to know himself and he knew that wasn’t him.

“I think you’d try for a while but in the end you’d just end up resenting me for asking it of you, for taking you away from your work. I’m not trying to hurt you Gris, I just don’t want to give you false hope that there’s any kind of a future for us. I want you to be able to move on.” The graveyard supervisor suddenly looked so small, that Sara had to resist the urge to reach out to him. She didn’t want to send him the same kind of mixed signals she’d often found herself reading too much into.

Gil searched the mahogany eyes that were regarding him intensely. He found sadness, compassion, and worry but not a hint of what he wanted to see there. Love. There wasn’t even a hint of it. It really was too late and he was the only one to blame. “How do I do that? How do I stop these feelings now that I’ve finally admitted them to myself?”

“I don’t know but I hope you figure it out. I’d really like to have my friend back.” Now that he understood where she was coming from, Sara hoped that they could eventually return to relationship they’d had before she’d come to Vegas, the one she thought they were getting back to before all this had happened.

Grissom knew that if he couldn’t do as she asked that he was going to lose her completely. He couldn’t allow that. It was better to have her as just a friend than not at all, because not having her in his life was completely unacceptable. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, I’ve done to much of that in the past, so I promise you that I’ll do whatever it takes to get past this.”

Sara reached out and patted his hand, still hesitant to take it in her own, but wanting to offer him something. “Thank you. Now you should probably go home and get some rest. You look like crap.”

“I haven’t slept much lately and I think I’m still wearing the same clothes I put on two days ago.” Grissom gave the younger woman a self-conscious little smile.

“Two days huh? I guess that would explain it. Please don’t take this personally but I’m going to suggest that the first thing you do when you get home is take a shower.” She had ignored the odor wafting off the entomologist at first because she wanted to concentrate on the task at hand but now that things were settled between them, Sara couldn’t disregard the ripe aroma anymore.

“Are you trying to tell me I stink?” Gil suddenly realized that his personal hygiene wasn’t the only thing he had been neglecting. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d sat down and ate a real meal or had a decent nights sleep. He’d spent so much of his time thinking and worrying about Sara that he had stopped taking care of himself.

“I wasn’t going to just come right out and say it but yeah, you smell.” Sara smiled at the stocky man to take the sting out of her words.

“Well I guess I should get home and take that shower then.” Grissom rose shakily to his feet and started towards the front door but stopped and turned uncertainly back to the brunette. “I’ll call you in a day or two to see how you’re doing, if that’s all right with you?”

“That would be nice.” The brunette watched her friend as he shuffled out the door and let out a sigh. That had been harder than she had thought it was going to be but it had to be done. She couldn’t let him go on hoping. Now he wouldn’t try to dissect everything she said, interpret every touch or gesture, now he could move on with his life.

Sara was still staring at the door when she felt a nudge on her shoulder and looked up into a pair of soft blue eyes. The blonde waved her over and she scooted down the couch wondering for a second why the older woman hadn’t just taken a seat on the other side. Then a pair of strong thin arms wrapped around her torso and she was pulled back into Catherine’s warm pliant body. She let herself sink into the embrace, enjoying the sense of safety and comfort it provided.

“You ok?” Catherine knew eavesdropping was wrong, but she had wanted to be close in case things got out of hand and couldn’t help but hear most of what was said. She couldn’t believe the audacity Gil had, thinking Sara would still be waiting for him after all this time. He was such a damn… man.

Sara snuggled closer to her friend, letting the heat from the supple body seep into her back. “Yeah, I think so. I really didn’t want to hurt him.”

“He should’ve waited until you were ready and came to him, like he promised me he would.” Even though she knew her old friend was in pain, Catherine couldn’t help but feel a little angry with him. He wasn’t the one that had been tortured and almost died, yet he only thought of himself.

“I don’t think he could have waited much longer. You saw him, it was eating him alive. He needed a definitive answer and even though it wasn’t the one he wanted, now he has closure and can move on. He couldn’t do that for me. I had to overhear him tell a murder suspect that he couldn’t risk his career for me. That hurt me and for a while I wanted him to know how I felt, but I couldn’t stand to see the pain in his eyes. Because even though I’m not in love with Grissom I do still care deeply about him and I always will.” Sara didn’t want the blonde to harbor any ill will toward the entomologist. The two of them had been friends much to long for something like this to come between them.

“You know you’re amazing, right?” Catherine doubted that she would have done the same thing had she been in Sara’s shoes. No, payback would have been the foremost thing in her mind.

“Umm, not really no.” She didn’t know what had inspired the praise but Sara was pretty sure it wasn’t warranted.

Catherine shook her head. That was typical Sara. “Sweetheart, you put everyone before yourself. You saved my life, twice, even though you were in incredible pain. After you had that flashback in the hospital your first thought was for Linds because you didn’t want to frighten her. Now you’re looking after Gil even though he doesn’t deserve it. And that’s just this week. You are a rare and precious person Sara Sidle.”

The brunette could feel the blush racing up her neck and engulfing her face as Catherine leaned up and kissed the side of her head. Receiving accolades from anyone was rare for Sara and usually made her uncomfortable because she almost always questioned the sincerity of it, but coming from the blonde it left her with a feeling of fullness that she’d never experienced before. She found she really liked that feeling.

“Do you still want to go to the grocery store with me?” Catherine could tell that Sara was embarrassed, from her position she could barely see the brunette’s profile but the flush on the younger woman’s face was brighter than a neon sign. So she decided to have mercy on her and change the subject. When she had originally told the injured woman she didn’t want her going out, it was because she was concerned the bull-headed woman would over do it. Now she really didn’t want to let Sara out of her sight.

“Yeah, but not right now. I’d really like to stay here for a little while if that’s okay?” Sara did want to go out. She’d been held in a tiny room for days and then cooped up in the hospital until she felt herself going stir-crazy, but at the moment she was just too comfortable to even think about moving.

“It’s more than okay.” Catherine softly told the brunette as she settled them further into the deep cushions and tightened her embrace.

Lindsey quietly crept out of her hiding place and snuck down the hall to her room with a smile on her face from the sight of the two women cuddled up together on the couch. From the second she had followed her mother’s former boss into the kitchen she had known that sooner or later she would be exiled to her room because she was a kid and this was adult business, or at least that was her mom’s usual excuse for never letting her stick around for the good stuff. So she had taken the initiative and found a place where she could hear what was going on without being seen. And boy did she get an earful.

The girl had thought Mr. Grissom was strange before, now she thought he was just plain stupid. She was twelve and she could see that anyone would have to be nuts not to want to be with Sara.

The brunette was a hero, she was smart, beautiful, caring, shy and funny in a weird sort of way. Lindsey wanted to kick the man for hurting the lanky woman but was consoled with the thought that her mom was there to make it better.

TBC

oww

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 02:20:02 GMT

My one day off this week and how do I spend it? Not catching up on sleep, not reading or watching tv (although I did catch a little of the Memphis game - go Tigers!) I spent it doing yard work. Normally I don't mind cutting the grass, and edging and weeding, but the first cut of the year is horrible. It's hard enough scalping the grass, but with the stupid weeds that have invaded thanks to the new subdivision next to me it took me three hours just to cut it. I could only get about two rows before I had to empty the bag. The joys of home ownership. And this after having to go into work early all week, not being able to take lunch and working Saturday. And I have to go in early tomorrow. I love my job, really I do.

Fic : Demons Part 25

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:59:12 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 25
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 25

“Hey Mom, can we watch a movie?”

Catherine’s hand halted the brush’s movement through the damp chestnut locks in front of her at her daughter’s question. “I don’t know Linds. It’s kind of late.”

“Please Mom? Tomorrow is Saturday and I’m not even close to being tired. Please?” Lindsey really didn’t care about the movie. She just wanted to spend a little more time with both women since she’d barely seen them all day as they’d been asleep when she had gotten home from school.

The blonde considered it for a moment. She’d had such a long nap that afternoon and had slept so well that she was fully awake. There was someone else to consider though. “Do you feel up to a movie Sara?”

“I’m not really tired either. But do you mind if it’s not scary, suspenseful, creepy or gory in any way?” Truth was the long hot bath had sapped Sara’s energy and she probably could fall right back to asleep, but she didn’t want to. If she went to bed now, she might get another three or four hours of sleep and then be wide awake the rest of the night. And lying in the dark with nothing to do but think was very low on her list of things she wanted to do.

“You’re not tired yet, but once you take your pain meds, you will be.” As Catherine resumed the rhythmic stoking of Sara’s hair the thought flitted across her mind that the brunette never wore her hair curly anymore. The blonde had liked the way the soft waves framed the younger woman’s face and she wondered briefly if she could talk her into wearing it that way again.

“I don’t need one right now. I’m not really in that much pain.” The pill they had given her at the hospital before she left had long ago worn off and Sara didn’t feel that great, but as long as she didn’t move it was tolerable. When she did, the dull ache enveloping her muscles became sharp splinters of pain that randomly stabbed at various points on her body. Still, it was preferable to being the groggy zombie the pills turned her into.

“Sara there’s no sense in being in any pain if you don’t have to and if you wait too long you’re going to be in a lot of it while you wait for the meds to kick in.” Catherine figured that ‘not that much’ was Sara-speak for she was hurting but just being difficult about taking her pills. They had gone through the very same thing at the hospital.

“It’s really not that bad and I don’t want to develop a dependency on them.” Sara had never liked taking anything narcotic, yes they dulled the pain, but she had seen first hand what else they could do. Her mother had always seemed to have a prescription for something due to her many trips to the hospital. Laura would be high for days, ignoring everything in favor of the pain and mind numbing drugs, including her hungry child. And when her daughter had started to need her own pills to dull the aches of broken bones and battered muscles the woman had taken the pills for herself. They were just one more reminder of her past that she didn’t want or need.

Catherine shook her head in annoyance. How could one person be so damn stubborn? “The prescription is for every four to six hours, you are way past that. I think you’ve proven that you don’t have to take them. But I can’t stand seeing you in even the tiniest bit of pain Sara. So please just take it, for me?”

Oh now that was fighting dirty. How could she say no to that? How could she deny that soft watery look in the blonde’s cerulean eyes? How could the ghost of her past compete with the angel in front of her? Because that was what the older woman had sort of become to her, a guardian angel. Of course it didn’t help at all that Lindsey was staring at her, arms crossed, in a damn good imitation of Catherine when she was losing her patience with a suspect who refused to cooperate. At two against one, especially those two, the odds were definitely not in her favor. “Ok, but I’m only taking half of one.”

“Hmm, we’ll see. We can watch the movie in my room so you can lie down. Linds go get your pajamas on and Sara you go get comfortable while I go get your pill.”

By the time Cath made it back to her room laden down with bottles of water, popcorn and a movie, Sara and Lindsey were already in the bed. The small girl was snuggled up to the lanky brunette with her head pillowed on the woman’s uninjured shoulder. Even though it had to be the most precious thing she’d ever seen, the blonde didn’t want her daughter to accidentally hurt the lithe woman. “Come on Linds get up. Sara needs to take her medicine and you shouldn’t be lying all over her like that.”

“She’s ok, she’s not hurting me.” Sara had never considered herself good with kids but with Lindsey it seemed like she didn’t even have to try. The tiny blonde hadn’t cared that the brunette was awkward and timid at first, she’d simply jumped right in and quickly wormed her way into Sara’s heart. It was so rare that someone accepted her so completely and she didn’t want to discourage the girl in any way.

“Please Mom? I’m being really careful.” Lindsey had been hesitant when she’d first come into her mother’s room to find Sara already in the middle of the bed. But the tall brunette had patted the space beside her and that was all it took. When the woman was still in the hospital, Linds had often crawled up on the bed to sit beside her but she hadn’t been allowed to do more than give her gentle hugs.

Catherine looked from one set of pleading eyes to the other. “All right but you have to take the whole pill and the second you feel any pain I want you to tell her to move.”

The fight she had expected didn’t materialize, instead the brunette nodded meekly and she popped the pill into Sara’s mouth and helped the younger woman take a drink of water to wash it down. Apparently snuggling with Lindsey was more important than arguing about taking a little pain pill. Catherine started the movie, the most innocuous and tame comedy they had, and went to change into her own sleepwear while the opening credits rolled.

When she reentered the bedroom Catherine had to reevaluate her earlier judgment of the most precious thing she’d ever seen. Sara was actually giggling as Linds fed her popcorn and made choo-choo noises. Now that was just too cute for words. “Hey, I hope you two saved me some.”

“Nope. Sorry Mom but you took too long. Sara couldn’t wait.” Lindsey tried not to smile as she hid the bag behind her back.

“It’s all her fault. She force fed me I swear. I didn’t want to eat your popcorn but Lindsey said she’d tickle me if I didn’t.” Sara somehow managed to keep a straight face as she ratted out her accomplice. She actually had refused at first until the girl had started in with the whole train coming into the station thing.

“Uh huh. You both realize I don’t believe a word of it right? Now hand it over.”

Xxx

It had taken a little longer than she had estimated, but at about halfway through the movie Sara was out like a light. What really surprised Catherine was the fact that her daughter was softly snoring right along with brunette. Perhaps Lindsey was still making up those hours of sleep she had lost while worrying about whether or not she was ever going to see her mother again.

The blonde had missed most of the movie herself as she had found the interaction between Sara and Linds to be much more entertaining. She had surreptitiously watched them from the corner of her eye as they laughed at the onscreen antics of the twenty-somethings playing teen-somethings. Now that they were both asleep though, she could study them at her leisure.

For some reason it seemed so natural to see her daughter’s head cradled in the crook of Sara’s arm and the brunette’s pale cheek resting against Lindsey’s golden halo of hair. The young CSI’s face was relaxed in her repose, and the years had melted away from her face with the tiny smile playing on her lips. Gone was surly almost-teenager. Linds suddenly once again looked like her five-year old innocent angel, not the troubled girl touched by tragedy and loss at such a tender age.

The two really did look as cute as cuddling kittens but she had to get her daughter back to her own bed. Cath knew Sara would never intentionally hurt Lindsey, but with the brunette suffering from such vicious nightmares she could accidentally lash out in her sleep and injure the girl or herself. However that was easier said than done. The second she tried to lift Lindsey off the brunette, Sara tightened her grip on the small body. She had to wait a minute for the woman to relax her hold before she could pick the girl up. As the blonde carried her daughter down the hall the nostalgia she had felt earlier wore off a little more with each step. Linds definitely was not five any more.

Catherine breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally able to put the girl down. She tucked Lindsey in and brushed a soft kiss on top of her tousled head. It seemed she had miraculously completed the transfer without waking her daughter until she straightened up and met a pair of bright blue eyes half hidden by droopy lids. “Shhh go back to sleep baby.”

“I really like Sara.” Lindsey missed the woman’s warmth. She had been a little confused when she woke up in her own bed but then she remembered that her mother hadn’t wanted her lying on the brunette when they were awake so it shouldn’t have been a surprise her mom had moved her.

The older blonde smiled down at her daughter and brushed a few errant strands of hair out of her cherubic face. “Me too.”

“We should keep her.”

“Honey, she’s not a stray puppy that…” Catherine trailed off as she realized that her words were falling on deaf ears. Lindsey was already fast asleep again.

Xxx

“What do we have?” Grissom kept his eyes riveted on a point just over the detective’s shoulder. He didn’t think he could look the other man in the eye with completely losing his cool after what he had witnessed earlier in the day outside Sara’s apartment. His emotions were still too raw, to close to the surface to be trusted.

“Looks like a false alarm. Seems a couple of film students at UNLV are making a horror movie for their class. A concerned citizen saw them carrying the ‘body’ and called the cops.” Brass shook his head. The one time someone decides to get involved it turns out to be perfectly innocent, typical.

“And you didn’t bother to call and tell me that before I wasted my time coming out here? You should have checked to make sure there was an actual crime before you called CSI in. I have better things to do with my time than going on wild goose chases.” Gil turned his back on the other man and began walking back to his truck, not really caring what he had to say. All he could hear was Sara’s voice whispering ‘You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late’ in his ear over and over.

“Well I didn’t call you, the first officer on the scene did. And since I just found out myself about the nature of the ‘crime’ two minutes ago, no I couldn’t. Now you want to tell me which one of your bugs crawled up your ass?” Jim shot back as he rushed after his friend. They had known each other a long time and the detective could count on one hand the number of times the entomologist had raised his voice and snapped at him.

Grissom was forced to come to a halt as Brass stepped in front of him and stopped. He didn’t want to have a confrontation with the other man but it didn’t seem like the detective was leaving him much choice. “I know about you and Sara.”

Jim could hear a note of defeat tingeing the anger in the CSI’s voice and it confused him. Why the hell would him taking a fatherly role in Sara’s life piss the man off? With what Grissom knew about the brunette’s past, he would think the graveyard supervisor would be happy about the change in their relationship. “Okay, and?”

“And?” Gil stepped into the detective’s personal space, their faces only inches apart. “And how long has this been going on?”

Brass took in his friend’s narrowed eyes and combative posture and suddenly felt like he was on the wrong side of an interrogation table. “To some extent since she moved to Vegas. After she almost got the DUI, we got closer, but it wasn’t until we almost lost her that I realized it wasn’t enough. Why do you have a problem this?”

“I have a problem with you taking advantage of her while she’s so vulnerable. This is exactly what Catherine accused me of doing but she stood right there and let you kiss Sara. She didn’t seem to have a problem with that, so it must be me that she doesn’t want Sara with.” For the life of him Grissom couldn’t understand why the blonde approved of Brass but not him. It hurt more than he thought possible that Cath had told him to give Sara space but then had let the detective move right in on her.

A dark red cloud descended over the detective’s eyes at the accusation. Now Jim knew why Gil was acting that way. Jealousy. There was a little green eyed monster of a monkey on the CSI’s back and it looked like it had dug its fingers in deep.

Jim took a step back and drew in a deep breath. He didn’t want to do something that they would both regret later. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, because if I had, you’d have a broken jaw right now. Mine and Sara’s relationship is none of your business but that kiss you saw wasn’t what you think it is. Of course the fact that you saw it at all means you were lurking around her apartment building. What, are you stalking her now?”

“Sara is my business, I’ve know her a hell of lot longer than you have, and I know what I saw.” Gil chose to ignore the last question. As far as he was concerned what he had witnessed was far more important than why he had seen it.

“What is this, some kind of schoolyard game of ‘I saw her first’? Don’t forget that I was in the room when you confronted Lurie during the Marlin case. You’re the one that decided that she wasn’t worth the risk to your precious career. You didn’t have the courage to take what had been offered to you, even though you wanted it, and now you don’t want anyone else to have her either. You’re a coward and a selfish bastard. You don’t deserve her.” As Brass turned and walked away he felt a tiny twitch of guilt but it was overshadowed by anger. He could have told the man the whole truth and put his mind at ease, but as far as he was concerned, Grissom had it coming.

The CSI watched, slack-jawed, as the detective peeled away from the scene. He hated to admit it, but Jim was right. He didn’t deserve Sara. But that didn’t stop him from wanting her. And it wasn’t going to stop him from fighting for her. He’d just have to go see her for himself, present his case and get down on his knees if that was what it took to convince her to give him a chance.

TBC

Fic : Demons Part 24

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 01:52:41 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 24
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 24

“Sara wake up, we’re here.”

The sleeping woman mumbled something in reply but didn’t come around completely. As adorable as Sara looked snoozing in the front seat of her truck, mouth slightly open and almost, but not quite, snoring, Catherine knew she couldn’t let her stay there. She also couldn’t carry the younger woman, so she was going to have to get her up one way or another.

The blonde got out of the truck and made her way around to the passenger side. As she opened the door, Catherine had to react fast as the brunette slumped and nearly tumbled out. She wrapped her arms around the slumbering woman and tried to hold her upright. “Sweetie you really need to wake up now, before I drop you.”

The exhausted woman’s only response was to snuggle into Cath’s embrace and bury her face in the blonde’s shoulder. Being lulled to sleep by the motion of the car after a long day of emotional and physical toil, it seemed the soft approach wasn’t going to cut it. “Sara get up, you’re late for work!”

Sara’s tired body jerked into a more upright position and though she didn’t seem to really be awake, Catherine did manage to get her on her feet. They stumbled their way into the house and somehow managed to negotiate the obstacles of furniture and Lindsey’s rollerblades, which the blonde was sure she had told the girl to pick up two days ago, without a major incident. The semi-conscious woman was leaning heavily on Cath by the time they made it to the bedroom, which presented her with a new problem. Should she just let Sara sleep on top of the blankets, or try to prop the woman up long enough to turn them down?

The matter, it seemed, was decided for her the second Catherine tried to let go of the younger woman and Sara swayed dangerously, looking like a drunken sailor on a three day shore leave. She gently deposited the brunette on the bed and covered her with a spare blanket. The exhausted woman immediately slipped back into a deep sleep.

The blonde felt a bone deep weariness steal over her as she watched the years fade away from her friend’s features. She looked so innocent, so vulnerable that the need Cath had been feeling to protect the wounded brunette all week surged forward again, hard, making her throat swell with emotion.

Catherine knew that she needed to figure out what to make for dinner. What the hell did you feed a vegetarian anyway? Her mother and Lindsey would be home in a couple of hours, she had called before they left the hospital and asked her mother to pick up the girl because she didn’t want to leave Sara by herself. She needed to clean the house, wash the dishes, do laundry and a hundred other things she’d let fall to the wayside in the last week, but all she could think about was curling up beside the brunette and taking a nap.

After only a few seconds deliberation, Catherine decided that everything else could wait. With a quick kiss to the brunette’s forehead, the blonde settled in beside her and gently laid her arm across Sara’s stomach. It had been so long since she had shared her bed with someone. She kept the men she dated away from her home and her daughter and when she went out with her boyfriends, she didn’t stay the night. As her eyes drifted shut, Cath’s last thoughts were about how much she had missed just snuggling with someone and how comfortable it felt with Sara.

Xxx

Catherine made shushing noises while she ran her fingers through her companion’s dark brown locks. She had been torn from the murky depths of sleep by a sharp pain in her stomach to find a cast firmly planted in her midriff and Sara whimpering and flailing in the grips of another nightmare. Over the last week the blonde had learned how to ease the brunette away from the terrors that stalked her unconscious mind without waking her most of the time.

As the younger woman’s moans quieted and her body stilled, Willows thought that she had succeeded in chasing away Sara’s demons for a little while. Then she caught sight of half-lidded chocolate eyes peering up at her. “Hey.”

Sara had woken up to the delicious sensation of fingernails lightly scratching her scalp. It had taken her a minute to realize that she wasn’t in the hospital and then another minute to figure out from pictures on the wall that she was in Catherine’s bedroom, in Catherine’s bed, with Catherine.

Old, nearly forgotten, fantasies flooded her mind for a moment before she could effectively shove them back into the little box she kept them locked away in. She did not have a crush on the blonde anymore and those libidinous thoughts could only cause trouble for her and their new-found friendship. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

‘Enjoy it while you can’ a little voice in her head told her. ‘It’s been so long since anyone really cared about you, take what you can get it while you can get it.’ The brunette knew that it was right, because once her injuries had healed it would be back to her empty apartment where there were no hugs when she felt the walls closing in on her. There would be no soothing hands when her nightmares trapped her in the past. There would be no kisses on her head just because.

Sara decided to take the advice. She’d rebuild her walls, reinforcing them with thick steel to protect herself from the cold once she left this sanctuary. She had time. She’d just have to be very careful not to get too attached. At the moment though, she had a question she was itching to ask the blonde. “How did I get here?”

“I carried you.” Catherine managed to get it out with a straight face but couldn’t hold back a bark of laughter at the look of astonished disbelief on the younger woman’s face. “What? You don’t think I could pick your scrawny butt up?”

“Oh no I’m sure you can, you are woman hear you roar.” Sara answered, enjoying the twinkle in the older woman’s blue eyes. “But seriously, the last thing I remember is saying goodbye to Jim. How did you get me in the house? And why didn’t you just dump me on the couch or something?”

Catherine stilled the hand in the brunette’s hair so that she could prop herself up on her elbow and look Sara squarely in the eye. “You were pretty much sleepwalking. I managed to get you coherent enough to stand up but from that point on all you did was go in the direction I pushed you. The reason you’re in my bed is pretty simple. One, you’re too long for the couch or Lindsey’s bed for matter. You’re still healing and need to be in a proper bed. Two, my mother has the guest room and I didn’t think you’d want to share with her.”

Sara felt the heat of the blush rushing up her neck and across her cheeks. She turned her head in a vain attempt to hide it. There had been a few times when she had crashed that hard, but this was the first time she’d had a witness. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll make sure to only take a half of one of those pills.”

The blonde reached over and gently gripped the embarrassed woman’s chin. A slight pressure was all it took to get the brunette to face her once again. “Sara you don’t have to apologize for being exhausted. I think the physical activity and the emotional wringer you put yourself through today had more to do with it than the pain meds. Now are you still tired or do you want to get up and we’ll see what we can find for diner? My mom and Lindsey should be back,” Catherine’s eyes widened as she leaned up and looked at the clock, “a few hours ago actually, it’s after six. I’m surprised they let us sleep.”

Sara was a little astonished. She couldn’t remember exactly what time they had left her apartment but as close as she could figure it, she had been out cold for about five hours. That was a more sleep than she usually got on one of her good days. Of course she had been medicated, so maybe she shouldn’t be so surprised. “I’ll get up and help you with dinner.”

Catherine grinned at younger woman and rolled out of bed. “And what exactly were you planning on doing with two bum arms?”

“Well I could, um…” Sara hadn’t really considered the logistics involved. Truth was there wasn’t much she could do. “Ok well I can watch you cook.”

“I’m not sure how much vegetarian food we have in the house, but we should be able to find enough to feed you for tonight. You’ll have to make me a list of what you eat and I’ll go to the store tomorrow.” When the brunette pushed the blanket aside Catherine started for the door but turned around immediately when she saw Sara was having trouble.

Sara frowned as she struggled to sit up. She wasn’t nearly as sore as she had been but it was still a pain in the ass, and running up and down the stairs at her apartment hadn’t helped at all. When she was finally able to swing her legs over the side of the bed, the brunette looked up and found the blonde watching her with concern. “It’s okay, I’m just a little stiff. You know you don’t have to go to any extra trouble for me. Whatever you have will be fine.”

Catherine kneeled down and lightly placed her hands on the younger woman’s knees. “It’s no trouble Sara. I wanted you here so I could take care of you and part of that is feeding you. No one starves in my house Sidle, so don’t even try to argue with me.”

“Yes dear.” Sara grinned down at the blonde. Arguing with Cath was the furthest thing from her mind and the last thing she wanted to do. At some point down the road they would most likely butt heads, they were both passionate women with strong opinions. But hopefully their new friendship would keep it from getting personal.

Catherine stood up and kissed the brunette on the top of her dark head. “Come on dork, let’s get you fed.”

The blonde could have sworn she heard the younger woman mumbling something about being a nerd not a dork as she led her through the house, but she chose to ignore her. A dork was nerd was a geek, they all described Sara, and Catherine wouldn’t change it for anything. As they entered the kitchen with the brunette still grumbling good-naturedly they were greeted by the sight of her mother and daughter retrieving plates and glasses.

“Oh good, you’re up. I was about to come wake you.” Lily had to suppress a gasp when she caught sight of the woman with her daughter. When she had gone to check on them earlier, the brunette had been covered with a blanket and she hadn’t been able to see the dark green and sickly yellow bruises covering her skin.

Before Catherine could say a word Lindsey squealed Sara’s name at an ear hemorrhaging volume and rushed the woman. The girl skidded to a stop in front of the brunette and carefully wrapped her arms around the lanky woman’s slim hips. She watched with a grin as the two greeted each other before turning to make introductions. “Sara this is my mother Lily Flynn, Mom, Sara Sidle.”

“We picked up a couple of pizzas. Lindsey said you didn’t eat meat so I got a vegetarian one for you Sara.” Lily turned back to the food, not wanting to look too closely at the brunette’s mottled skin and other injuries. She understood now exactly how lucky Catherine had been to only have a slight concussion and a few stitches. The man that had taken them was obviously an animal if he could do so much damage to a young woman without thought.

“Thank you Ms. Flynn, I appreciate that.” Sara could tell by the look on Catherine’s face that she wasn’t thrilled about the choice her mother had made for dinner. The brunette however didn’t mind, it wasn’t hospital food. She gave Lindsey a little squeeze to thank her for remembering.

“Please, call me Lily and you are more than welcome. Why don’t you all sit down and I’ll bring the food out.” She waved them in the direction of the dining room.

Lindsey grinned up at her tall friend. She was so happy that the brunette was there and that the weekend was just starting. They had two whole days to hang out without school getting in the way. “Come sit next to me Sara.”

Dinner turned out to be interesting to say the least. Catherine was silent and broody while her mother seemed to be trying to look at anything but the brunette. If it hadn’t been for Lindsey’s thousand and one questions, Sara was sure that she would have been able to hear a pin drop.

Catherine’s head snapped toward Sara as the brunette stuttered and tried to evade her daughter’s last question. It was certainly a strange reaction to such a simple inquiry. “Come on Sara, quit stalling. It can’t be that bad, can it? “

Sara shook her head as her cheeks flamed. Why the hell did the girl have to ask her that of all things?

“Ok, let me guess then. Gertrude? Eunice? Oh I know, Bertha. Give it up Sidle.” Catherine smirked at the daggers Sara’s eyes shot her way. In over five years, the subject of the brunette’s middle name had never come up and the blonde was beginning to think that the younger woman might have engineered it that way.

She could tell there was no way either of the blondes were going to let it go. “If I tell you, you have to swear not to tell anyone else.” Sara looked from one Willows to the other waiting for their nods of agreement. “Fine, my middle name is Moon Flower. Happy now?”

”What kind of name is that?” Lindsey looked away from the brunette towards her mom, whose entire body was shaking and her hand was covering her mouth as she tried not to laugh out loud. The girl didn’t think it was funny ha ha, just funny weird.

Sara sent her best death glare at her blonde colleague and barely controlled the urge to kick the woman under the table. “My parents liked to pretend they were hippies, Linds. My brother got stuck with Daniel Sunshine Sidle. In the sixties and seventies it was the thing to do if you ran a B&B outside of San Francisco and you had mostly hippies as quests.”

Catherine finally got herself under control and leaned over to cover the brunette’s hand with her own. “I’m sorry Sara it just took me totally by surprise. I never in a million years would have thought of Moon Flower. I promise you though that no one will ever find out from me.”

She wanted to stay mad at the blonde, she really did, but Sara had gotten use to that response and she really couldn’t blame her. It was a really stupid name. Maybe she should look into having it changed. “Yeah well I better not hear one whisper about it around the lab.”

“Or what?” Catherine narrowed her eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.

“I don’t know yet, but it’ll be so bad and so sneaky you’ll never see it coming or know what hit you.”

Lily watched the interaction between her daughter and the brunette with interest. Catherine had always been a tactile person. So it had really come as no surprise to her when Lindsey had mentioned the way her mother tended to kiss and hug Sara. What was surprising was the girl’s reaction to it.

“I think Mom and Sara like each other.”

Lily looked up from the magazine she was reading. Lindsey had been quiet since she and her mother had returned from their latest visit with the injured woman. Now that Catherine was in the shower it seemed her granddaughter was ready to talk. “Of course they like each other. They’re friends and they’ve been through something very horrible together.”

“No I mean they like like each other.” Lindsey had been watching the two for the last three days and at first she had been a little confused but after thinking about it she was sure she was right.

“What makes you think that?” Lily didn’t want to dismiss the girl out of hand even if she didn’t think her theory was possible.

“Well, Mom is always kissing her head, touching her face, playing with her hair and holding her hand. Every time Mom walks in the room, even if she was only gone for a few minutes, Sara smiles. And they stare at each other a lot. It would be cool if they started dating, then I’d get to see Sara more.” As she described her reasoning to her grandmother, Lindsey could see in her mind’s eye the soft looks that passed between the two women. She had been a little kid when her parents got divorced but she still remembered what it was like when they were around each other and it wasn’t anything like the way her mom and the tall brunette acted. Plus Sara had saved her mom’s life, had almost died doing it. You had to care about someone to do that, you had to care a lot. She loved her dad, but she wasn’t sure if he would have done the same thing in the brunette’s place.

Kids sometimes couldn’t distinguish the difference between platonic affection and physical romantic love so Lily had tried to talk her granddaughter out of the idea but Lindsey was as stubborn as her mother. All she could do in the end was to get her to promise not to try to get the two together.

At the time she hadn’t given much credence to the idea, but she also hadn’t had the chance to see the two women together. They did seem close but so far she hadn’t seen anything to suggest there was anything other than friendship between them. She’d keep an eye on them just in case.

Sara polished off her third slice of pizza and pushed her plate away. It wasn’t the least bit healthy but it had been extremely satisfying. Now there was just one thing she wanted. “Hey Cath can I borrow your shower?”

The blonde knew that the only reason the brunette had waited this long was because she had been unconscious. After the first sponge bath her third day in the hospital, Sara had vehemently refused to allow the nurse to give her another saying she’d rather smell like a dead goat covered in raw sewage than to go through that humiliation again. “Well I’d really like to let you, but I can’t.” Catherine tried to keep a straight face but the look of utter disbelief undid her. “Sara you can’t get your cast or your stitches wet. You’ll have to settle for a bath.”

Sara hated baths. Just the thought of all the germs, bacteria and fungi that loved to grow in a tub was enough by itself to make her never want to sit in one. Then of course there was the fact that you had to sit in water that was full of the dirt, grime and sweat you were trying to wash off. You were basically swimming in filth. “I can put a trash bag over the cast and my stitches come out in a couple of days so it won’t hurt them.”

“You know if you get an infection you’ll probably have to go back into the hospital, right?” Catherine had heard all about Sara’s aversion to baths. They’d had a lengthy discussion about it that ended with the blonde calling her mysophobic and the brunette glaring back until they both broke out in identical grins.

“But I want to wash my hair.” Sara knew she was whining and that Catherine was right, but to her it felt like she had dipped her head in motor oil and she didn’t know how the blonde could stand to touch it.

Catherine hated to see the forlorn look on the brunette’s face. She got up and stepped behind Sara to wrap her arms around the younger woman. “Sweetie I know how independent you are and how frustrating it is for you not to be able to do everything you want, but you need to have a little patience. If you try to do too much too soon all you’ll end up doing is making your recovery longer. Take a bath and we’ll wash your hair in the sink. Okay?”

Sara leaned back into the blonde’s warm embrace. “Yeah, okay.”

It was the best solution, even if she didn’t want it to be, Sara just hated being helpless. But since she couldn’t even lift one arm over her head, and with a cast on the other, it made it next to impossible to do anything. She just had to accept the need to take a bath instead of a shower for a little while.

“You want bubbles?”

Xxx

“Are you okay? You were kind of quiet at dinner, until you found out about my name anyway.” Sara leaned forward as the blonde washed her back, glad that she had let the older woman put bubbles in her bath. They at least afforded her a small amount of modesty. It had taken a lot more convincing to allow Catherine to help her wash than it had to actually get her in the tub.

“I’m fine. It’s just … my mother.” As Cath continued to gently rub small circles on the younger woman’s skin with the soft soap covered cloth, she tried to ignore the intimacy of the situation and how much she enjoyed being allowed to care for the lanky brunette.

Sara’s broad back wasn’t nearly as bruised as the front of her body and she began to notice that some of the scars were much too old and faded to be the result of Thomas’ handiwork. She wanted to ask the younger CSI about them, wanted to know the story behind each and every one, but the brutalized woman had new wounds that were still too fresh to bring up these reminders of her brutal past.

“I imagine it must hard. You’ve been on your own for a long time, living your own life, making your own decisions, setting your own rules. Having her suddenly living with you, randomly changing your routines, invading your space, treating you like you’re still a kid instead of the adult you are? That has to be frustrating.” Sara kept her eyes on the wall afraid that she might have overstepped. She’d had less than an hour to observe the two women together and she didn’t want to make Catherine angry if she was off the mark.

Catherine’s hand paused briefly in surprise. Sara had never struck her as someone particularly in tune with interpersonal relationships, she had always seemed to be on the outside looking in. But here she was hitting the nail directly and rather firmly on the head. “It is. Just look at tonight. She knows I don’t want Linds to eat a lot of junk food, we normally only have pizza once or twice a month, and this is the second time this week. She lets her stay up too late, watching tv or talking on the phone. She gives in to things I never would. Don’t even get me started on what she did to the house when she moved in! Let’s just say I still haven’t found my large skillet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and having her here to help with Lindsey is a godsend. My daughter gets to sleep in her own bed every night and I don’t have to impose on my sister. But she ignores my rules when it suites her and acts like I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to raising my daughter. I…” Catherine stopped as she realized she was gearing up to a full blown rant. Sara didn’t need to hear about her petty domestic problems when the brunette’s home life had been a living hell.

“I’m sorry.” Sara didn’t know what else to say. She knew the blonde was under a lot of pressure in her new supervisor’s position but she hadn’t realized that things were so tense at home.

“No Sara I’m sorry. I’m going on and on about my mother when your’s…”

“You have a mom that you love and who loves you, you should never apologize for that just because of my situation. Of course that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t drive you crazy or that you don’t have the right to bitch about it. I’m guessing you haven’t gotten any of that off your chest before now and you need to. So feel free to piss and moan, rant and rave, the least I can do is to listen after everything you’ve done for me. I can’t ever thank you enough for sticking by me and holding my hand, figuratively and literally, but I can be a sounding board and a sympathetic ear when you need one.” The brunette twisted as much as she could to face the other woman. Having Catherine’s support meant more to her than she could ever express, and if the blonde needed to unload a little then Sara was determined to let her do that.

“Thank you sweetheart.” The blonde doubted she would take the younger woman up on her offer even though the brunette was right. Just venting for a couple of minutes had made her feel a hell of a lot better. But Sara had enough to worry about without trying to shoulder Catherine’s burdens too. That the battered woman was willing spoke volumes about what a beautiful soul she was. The blonde returned to her task and vowed that she would try to make Sara’s recovery as easy and stress free as should could. It was the very least she deserved.

TBC

Fic : Demons Part 23

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:56:08 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 23
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 23

“You don’t have to do this, you know. I can run up and pack your things while you wait in the car.” Catherine looked from the stairs to the woman beside her. When they had left the hospital Sara had insisted on going to her place to pick up some clothes and nothing she or Brass said had dissuaded her. She had been a little surprised when the brunette had insisted on calling the detective but the moment he had come through the door the soft smiles on the both their faces began to clue her in too how close the two were.

The first thought that had popped into her head as she watched the interaction between the two, was that the real reason Sara no longer wanted Gil was because she had found someone to replace him. The tender way Jim held her hand and brushed his lips over her cheek seemed to reinforce that idea until the lanky CSI had smirked up at him and ‘Dad’ and ‘kiddo’ got thrown back and forth. Cath had only been able to stare at them.

She hadn’t had the opportunity to observe them together away from the job since long before she and Sara had been abducted. And after the brunette had been admitted to the hospital, Jim’s visits had been mostly at night when Catherine had been at home with her daughter. The blonde wondered if this was a new development in their relationship or if they had been so close before. And if they had, why hadn’t she known about it? It was something she was definitely going to have to ask the younger woman about once they were alone.

“Or you can both wait down here and I can go.” Jim was glad he had insisted that Sara call him when she was released from the hospital. She had told him about agreeing to stay with Catherine, but he’d had a feeling she’d want to come here after a few comments about not being able to wait to wear her own things. He just didn’t think she was ready to be pushing herself so soon.

Sara kept here eyes on the stairs. She knew her friend and her surrogate father were concerned about her health, but they didn’t understand. She had to do this, had to see. “Thanks guys, but I’ll be okay. I’ve had six days to lie around and they gave me a Lortab right before we left. Besides it’s just a couple flights of stairs.”

Looking at the stubborn set to her friend’s features, Catherine knew they had lost round two but she had to give one last ditch effort to talk the brunette out of it. “Yes you had six days where you barely got out of bed. You don’t have all your strength back yet and you shouldn’t be climbing all those stairs and straining something.”

Brass could see the argument brewing in Sara’s chocolate eyes and decided that it might be a good idea to defuse the situation before the storm broke. “You just don’t want us poking around in your drawers. You know I was married, I have seen women’s underwear before.”

The rising anger Sara had felt in her gut as they tried to deter her melted away as she grinned over at the man that had taken her into his heart and carved out a place for himself in hers. She didn’t even know why she was mad, they were just trying to protect her. “Yes but you haven’t seen mine and I prefer to keep it that way, thank you very much. Come on lets go, journey of a thousand steps and all that.”

As Sara took a deep breath and started up Catherine moved as close to her as she could, putting her hand on the small of the brunette’s back. She wished that she could carry the stubborn woman to her destination but would have to settle for making sure that the lanky CSI didn’t fall backwards. The blonde looked over at the burly detective as he mirrored her move and gave him a tight smile. If they couldn’t talk Sara out of it, they could at least support her.

The going was slow and as they neared her landing Sara slowed down even more. The sweat beading on her forehead, the frightened-rabbit beating of her heart, the cold clammy hands, the icy claws wrapped around her lungs had little to do with the climb though, the pain pill had worked its numbing magic well. It was the proximity to her own front door that had her in near full panic mode. She had thought she was ready for this but as Brass stepped around her to unlock the door, only the warmth of Catherine’s hand on her back kept Sara upright as the crushing weight of guilt fell onto her shoulders.

As Catherine was about to follow Jim into the apartment she felt the body under her hand begin to tremble. She looked over at the brunette and was immediately concerned by the pale sweat-soaked skin and wide eyes. “Sara, what’s wrong sweetie?”

The brunette squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block out the ghost that was currently stalking her, but she could still see it in all it’s grotesque glory. “That’s where he killed him. He just slit his throat and the blood was spraying all over the walls. God that wet gurgling sound as he tried to breathe, I can still hear it. He died right there and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

Catherine pulled the taller woman to her and wrapped her arms around Sara. Almost immediately the blonde felt hot tears that were not her own sliding down her neck. She hadn’t known that one of the officers had been killed inside the brunette’s apartment, only that both of the uniforms assigned to guard her had been murdered. If she had known she would have fought harder to keep the younger woman away for as long as possible. “Come on, let’s go. I’ll come back later and get your clothes.”

Sara pulled back from the embrace but didn’t break it. She wanted to look the blonde in the eyes, to make her understand, but not lose contact. “No. I have to do this. If I don’t go in there now, I’ll never be able to step foot in my own home again.”

Now that she knew this little trip really had little to nothing to do with clothing Catherine was a little upset that Sara hadn’t told her the truth, but the pleading look in the taller woman’s molten brown eyes wouldn’t allow her to actually be mad though. And the stubborn set of the younger CSI’s jaw told the blonde that trying to talk her out of it was pretty much pointless. She would just have to support her and be there if Sara needed her. “Ok, but we do it together.”

Sara leaned in until her forehead rested against the blonde’s and she whispered her gratitude. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but you should have told me from the start.” Catherine tightened her grip on the younger woman’s hips when she felt her start to twitch away. While Sara had started opening up to her a lot more, it was still hard for the brunette to remember that she didn’t have to face everything alone anymore.

Jim smiled at the tender way the blonde handled brunette as she scolded and comforted her. Sara had tried to explain the changes in her relationship with Catherine during his late night visits but he hadn’t had a chance to actually see it with his own eyes until today.

When he had walked in the door the blonde was sitting on the bed, one hand resting lightly on the younger woman’s stomach while the other tucked some stray hair behind Sara’s ear. It was such a tender moment that he hated to make his presence known. Unfortunately it was taken out of his hands when an orderly dropped a stack of metal trays in the hall and drew their attention towards him. Jim had put on a smile and quickly made his way to the bed to give the young brunette his customary greeting.

They talked for a few minutes until Sara began to get antsy and started complaining about hospital bureaucracy and taking forever just to print out a couple of stupid pieces of paper. Catherine had smiled indulgently and planted a kiss on the top of the younger woman’s head before going to find out what the hold up was. When Brass had shot a questioning look at her, Sidle had shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. Apparently over the last week this had become some sort of routine for the two of them and neither one of them thought anything of it. He just hoped for his girl’s sake that nothing happened to drive a wedge between them. Sara more than needed, she deserved, the kind of friendship and care Willows was giving her and if that was taken away it could set her back further than he would like to think about.

“You ready?” Catherine asked softly as she reached up to brush away the brunette’s tears.

“No, but I need to do it anyway.” Sara smiled sadly at the blonde before turning back toward her door. She tried to move forward but her feet suddenly seemed to be glued to the floor. She knew she had to do this. A cop, a fellow law enforcement officer who had been assigned to protect her, had lost his life in her foyer and she felt that if she didn’t acknowledge and face it she was somehow trivializing his death. It wasn’t until she felt a thin strong arm encircle her waist and warmth from the blonde’s lithe body leeching into her own that the brunette regained command of her legs though. One step, then two, three, a pause at the threshold and she was inside.

“The blood’s gone.” For the first time since she had stepped onto the landing outside her apartment Sara saw through the specters of Michael Thomas and Officer William Hankins.

“Ecklie actually had an almost-human moment and released the place to crime scene clean up a little early.” Brass had nearly had a heart attack when he had heard the assistant director had done it. Of course nothing was ever really as it seemed where the former day shift supervisor was concerned, Jim just hadn’t figured out his angle yet.

“I’ll uh, have to send him a thank you card or something.” Sara frowned at the unusual move. It was no secret to her that after she had told Ecklie exactly what she thought of him that he would like nothing more than to get rid of her. He had to have an ulterior motive, but right now she just didn’t feel like thinking about it.

Catherine was thinking along the same lines as the others and like them decided that it could wait until later. She had other things to deal with at the moment, like getting Sara away from the door and memories it contained. A gentle pressure on the brunette’s back had them moving further into the apartment and as they stepped out of the short hallway, the blonde got her first look at the younger woman’s living space.

The older CSI was so surprised by the décor that she barely heard the lanky woman ask Jim to help her get a suitcase, or noticed as the two of them disappeared into the other room. Whenever she had spared a thought about where Sara lived, Catherine had always imagined bare stark white walls, utilitarian furniture and a mini lab in the middle of the living room complete with microscopes, Bunsen burners and beakers. In other words she had expected to walk into a cold sterile shell. She would have never guessed the brunette to be surrounded by rich and soothing purple walls, beautiful black and white landscapes, intricately carved wood screens and an overstuffed couch and chair. It was cozy and warm and Willows now knew that it reflected perfectly the woman that lived there.

There was one thing in the room that she wasn’t surprised to see though. A large bookcase dominated one corner and was practically bursting it was stuffed so full. Catherine made her way over and began pursuing the titles and found that at least one of her preconceptions had been right on the money. All sorts of textbooks filled the shelves, from physics to ballistics and entomology to anatomy. Their glossy spines spoke of Sara’s dedication to and passion for her profession, but one volume drew the blonde’s eye only because it seemed to be out of place. The thin faded and cracked yellow book called out to Cath’s curiosity and she couldn’t help but investigate.

The blonde couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped when she pulled the thin tome out and turned it over. This was something she couldn’t see Sara reading, much less owning and keeping nestled among her collection of textbooks.

“What’s so funny?” Brass had left Sara alone in her bedroom at her insistence so she could pack her unmentionables in private and began his own inspection of the brunette’s home. He had come almost full circle when he heard an uncharacteristic tittering from the blonde.

Catherine turned toward the detective holding the book up for him to see. His reaction was much the same as hers, although in a much more manly tone.

Sara could hear laughter from the other room. Since she couldn’t remember if she had left out anything potentially embarrassing, she dropped the t-shirt she had been trying unsuccessfully to fold and walked quickly into the living room. Jim’s back was to her and Catherine was looking down, presumably at whatever was currently amusing the two of them, so she was able to get right up next to them without either noticing her.

The brunette let out a tiny sigh of relief when she saw what her friends had found so funny. It wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it was. Sara reached between the blonde and the cop and gently took the book out of Catherine’s hands. "Hey don't laugh. This book got me a full scholarship to Harvard."

"Curious George got you into college?" Catherine shot a smirk tinged with doubt at the brunette.

If it had been anyone else Sara would have snatched the treasured book from their hands and tossed them out on their ears. Luckily for the blonde and her surrogate father she trusted them more than she had anyone in her life. And since they already had the largest and darkest chunks of her past the brunette found she was okay sharing this small slice of herself. "The first day of kindergarten I was scared out of my mind. I had never been allowed around kids my own age and here I was trapped in a room full of them with absolutely no idea how to relate to them. My brother is eight years older than me and the only game he ever played with me was hide and go seek. I figured out later that the only reason he agreed to that was so that he could get rid of me until I got tired of hiding which usually took an hour or two.

Anyway, at nap time the teacher pulled out this book and started reading to us. No one had ever read to me before and I was fascinated. It was like watching tv in my head. I was never allowed to touch the television set and on the rare occasion my parents let me stay in the room while they watched a show, it was usually something that was over my head. This was something that if I could learn to do I would have some tiny bit of control, and it lit a fire in me.”

As the brunette stroked the front of the book reverently the blonde quietly raged at the childhood, or rather the lack of, which Sara had had. Catherine had loved reading to Lindsey, painting magical fairytale kingdoms for her, igniting her imagination and starting her solidly on the path of her future school career. How someone as intelligent and gifted as Sara could have come out of such a stagnant and hostile environment with no encouragement or care whatsoever, was a miracle.

Jim knew that he had failed his own daughter, sinking into the job and the bottom of a bottle. But during the early years, whenever he was home at bedtime, he was at Ellie’s side reading to her. It was one of the few things they had bonded over. He couldn’t imagine any parent not wanting to have that.

“Once all the other kids had fallen asleep, I just laid there staring at that book. Mrs. Ortega noticed I was awake and asked me what was wrong. I don’t know where I got the courage, speaking up in my house usually got me nothing but pain, but I told her I wanted to learn to read. She very kindly told me that was taught in first grade, kindergarten was where we learned our letters and numbers.

After a couple of weeks of watching me spend every recess and nap time trying to figure it out on my own, for some reason she decided to help me. I soaked up everything she told me and at the end of the year she gave me this book. I had never gotten a birthday or a Christmas present before so it became my most prized possession. I even managed to get the social worker to go back into the house and get it for me.” Growing up in a world of hand me downs and castoffs the first thing she had ever been given brand new and just for her had made the book all the more precious to Sara. Her mother had refused to buy her new clothes, saying that such a filthy child didn’t deserve them and would only ruin them so there was no sense wasting the money. Everything she had worn had either come from second hand stores, good will or things her brother had long ago outgrown. Even the toys she had played with had been her brother’s at one time.

The more she learned about Sara’s parents the more Catherine absolutely hated them and the more amazed she was by the brunette. Children should always be shown they were loved and cherished everyday, but especially on their birthdays. They should have parties surrounded by friends and families with cake and ice cream and gifts. Even that one year Lindsey had insisted she didn’t want a party just so she could spend time alone with her mom, the girl had gotten a ton of presents not only from her father and Cath but from the all guys as well. Everyone, except the brunette.

The blonde groaned to herself as she remembered what an ass she had been. ‘What’s the rule? How long do I have to be here before I start kicking in for gifts?’ Sara had only been with them a few months and the question on top of the frustration and uncertainty she’s felt at Lindsey’s determination not to have a party and Catherine had gone from zero to bitch in less than two seconds. ‘When the spirit moves you, Sara. So, in your case, I guess, never.’

If she hadn’t been so wrapped up in herself she would have taken more notice of the flash of hurt in the younger woman’s eyes, but she had been too self-absorbed to care. It was entirely possible the lanky brunette had asked not because she was trying to be a smart ass, but because she really had no idea. It was one more thing, one more cutting remark, Catherine had to make up for.

“I’d better go finish packing.” Sara started to place the book back in its place on the shelf but then changed her mind. She wouldn’t be returning to the apartment for some time and she didn’t like the thought of leaving it behind. The simple children’s book had become something like a security blanket for her over the years, a reminder of what she had accomplished because one person had seen something in her worth their time when her own parents hadn’t.

Catherine watched the neglected and battered woman turn toward her bedroom, book clutched awkwardly against her chest. As Sara paused to gaze at her front door the blonde felt her heart lurch painfully against her chest. The brunette had taken the death of every one of Thomas’ victims hard but watching Hankins die in front of her eyes had been particularly traumatic.

“She didn’t react like this to the parking lot.” Brass had been the one to tell the brunette about the other officer after her move to a private room. He hadn’t wanted to add to her pain but she had a right to know and he’d wanted her to have as much time to prepare as possible. Catherine had been pretty pissed off at him but when he’d asked her if she’d rather Ecklie tell Sara when she gave her statement the blonde had agreed that it was better that it come from one of them.

“She didn’t watch him kill Jensen, she didn’t even know about him until a few days ago. I’m going to see if she’s about ready to go.” Catherine was still a little upset that the detective had told the brunette. He was right of course, it had to be done. She just wished she had been there when he’d done it. Sara had still been upset the next day and she had spent most of the morning just holding the younger woman’s hand and trying to comfort her.

When she stepped into the brunette’s bedroom, Catherine was once again shocked at the difference between what she had imagined Sara to be and the reality. With dark sienna walls, a burnished gold comforter draped across the large cherry wood bed and ivory candles of various shapes and sizes scattered around the room, it was sensual and sophisticated while still being cozy and comfortable. It seemed Ms. Sidle had a hidden talent. “Damn girl, you’ve been holding out on me.”

As Sara’s head snapped up with a confused frown on her face and Catherine waved her arm to indicate the room. “It’s beautiful, the whole place is. I need to hire you to do my house. I still have the same boring beige walls as when I moved in.”

“Uh thanks. You think you could give me hand closing this thing? I gave up folding as a lost cause and just threw everything in, but now I can’t get it latched.” Sara pointed at the overstuffed suitcase as she brushed off Catherine’s comments about her apartment. Having people in her private space, poking around in her things, trying to dissect her, made her nervous. At least Brass had kept any thoughts about her décor to himself.

Cath decided to allow the deflection since Sara, who was usually a miser with personal information had just shared a very significant turning point in her life. The blonde moved in front of the brunette and began rearranging the clothes, smiling softly when a slightly tattered yellow book corner was reveled. “I could have done this for you from the beginning you know. I’m going to see it all when I do laundry anyway. That’s what a good wife does isn’t it?”

The glare she tried to shoot the older woman was completely ruined by the smile creeping onto Sara’s face. “Yeah well you know me, stubborn to a fault. And for the record I can do my own laundry, dear.”

“Oh we’re back to that are we?” Catherine smiled back as she closed and latched the suitcase. “Well my house, my appliances, means I cook, clean and do the wash. At least until your cast comes off and then I’m going to put you to work.”

“Hey you started it this time.” Sara smirked at the blonde. She loved being able to tease and laugh with Catherine, it was something she had wanted ever since she had joined the team. Now that she had it she wondered where they would be now if they’d had this sort of relationship from the beginning.

Willows had to concede the younger woman’s point. “Yeah yeah whatever. Come on, we should get going so you can get settled in before Lindsey gets home from school. You know she’s going to be in your face the second she runs through the door.”

As Sara followed Catherine into the living room she thought about how much she was looking forward to spending time with the younger Willows outside of the hospital. While they had started getting to know each other during her visits, the sterile environment tended to put a damper on the atmosphere. She knew once she was in Lindsey’s natural habitat that the real girl in all her angsty preteen glory would be revealed.

When Sara turned toward the door she felt her entire body lock with fear. Intellectually she knew Michael Thomas was dead and there was no way he could be on the other side, but at that moment her heart and mind were at war. As Jim’s hand turned the knob the breath in her lungs froze, and the chill spread outward until even her toes turned to ice. The only warmth left in her body was concentrated in the ends of her fingers.

The brunette tore her eyes away from Brass’ back and looked down. She was surprised to see Catherine’s long elegant hand grasping hers. It was a little awkward because of the cast and the contact was minimal but at that second it was like she had been wrapped up securely in the blonde’s arms. Sara’s gaze traveled up the older woman’s arm until she was snared by crystal blue eyes. The warmth she found there began to spread until her body thawed and she could move again, breath again, live again.

Catherine could see the waves of fear receding from the younger woman’s liquid brown eyes as her body relaxed from its ramrod straight stance. She gripped Sara’s fingers a little tighter and drew her forward. Cath knew that the brunette was strong, that she had an inner core of pure steel, but right now it was brittle, and she needed support until it had hardened again. She hoped that after this trip that could begin to happen and she would do all she could to help.

Sara kept her eyes locked with Catherine’s until they reached the door. She paused for a second at the threshold and sent a silent apology to the officer that had died in that very spot, before letting the older woman pull her outside. She had done almost the same thing in the parking lot when they arrived, but since she had no idea of where Jensen had been when he died, it had been more generalized.

As Brass locked up behind her, the brunette felt a profound sense of relief. She knew the guilt she carried would never truly go away but she felt a little lighter having faced this particular ghost. She couldn’t have done it without the woman still clutching her hand though and not for the first time she marveled at how much she was coming to depend on the fiery blonde. What was even more astounding was that it didn’t make her feel weak to lean on someone else.

The trip down the stairs was quicker than the trip up had been and before Catherine knew it, Brass was putting the brunette’s suitcase into the back of her Denali. “Are you coming to the house Jim?”

“No he’s not.” Sara answered for the detective before he could even open his mouth. “He’s going home to get some sleep before his shift.”

Jim smiled at the protective tone in the brunette’s voice. Over the past week she had been on him to get more rest, even going so far as to try to make him take naps in the chair in her hospital room. “I guess I’m going home.” He pulled Sara to him wrapping her gently in his arms and placing a kiss on her temple. “You need anything kiddo you call me, no matter what time it is.”

“I will. Thanks, Dad.” Sara leaned into him and returned the hug as best she could. It seemed that every time she used the honorary title it became a little less so. The more she said it, the more it solidified in her heart and mind that this man was a real father to her.

Brass stepped back with a smile and handed his girl over to the blonde. He waited until Catherine had buckled Sara securely into the seat before he waved one last time and turned for his own car. He knew the brunette was in good hands.

Xxx

Grissom fumed as he watched the vehicles pull away. He had gone against his very nature for her, done something he found to be utterly repugnant, and this was the thanks he got. Of course Sara had no way of knowing that he’d gone to Ecklie to get her apartment released to crime scene cleanup before she had given her statement and the case had been officially closed. Remembering the smug look on the little bald toad’s face when he asked him for the favor was enough to make his skin crawl all over again.

No one had even bothered to tell him that Sara had been released from the hospital. He’d found out when he’d given up on trying to sleep and had called to get an update on her. Without a seconds thought he had driven over to her apartment desperate to see with his own eyes that she was well enough to go home, desperate just to see her at all, but still keep his promise to give her time and space.

So he’d parked across the street and waited to get even a glimpse of her. Imagine his surprise when Sara, Catherine and Brass had emerged from the building, suitcase in tow. Of course that paled in comparison to the astonishment he felt when the aging detective pulled the brunette into his body and kissed her.

It seemed the real reason Catherine had warned him off and that Sara didn’t want to see him was because she had already replaced him. Why hadn’t she just told him that? Why leave him hanging on, hoping that they could be together? Why did she want to hurt him like this? Was it because he had waited so long? Was she punishing him for his fear and indecisiveness?

A migraine the size of the northern hemisphere was forming behind his eyes at all the unanswered questions. Grissom knew if he didn’t get home and take his medication soon, he wouldn’t be able to function at all. Sara would have to wait until the chainsaw inside his head ran out of gas.

TBC

Fic : Demons Part 22

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:52:41 GMT

Title: When Demons Come a Calling – Part 22
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.

Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |

Part 22

Sara let out a heavy sigh as the door closed behind Nick with a soft thud. He had offered to stay until Catherine got there but the sweet natured Texan was dead on his feet and she didn’t want him falling asleep at the wheel. So she’d insisted that he go home and rest. Now she was beginning to regret it. It would be at least another twenty minutes before the blonde got there after dropping Lindsey off at school.

Very quickly after being moved into a private room the brunette had found herself growing anxious whenever she was left on her own for very long. Unlike the ICU where there was a constant cacophony of sounds from machines and people, this floor was nearly silent most of the time. It reminded her too much of the overnight hospital stays she’d had as a child, alone and frightened.

Her parents had never cared enough to stay with her even though they’d put her there, she should probably consider herself lucky that they’d gotten her medical attention at all. Thinking about it now she was surprised that they hadn’t been worried she might slip up and say something to arouse the suspicions of the doctors or nurses, but then again they had drilled ‘family business isn’t discussed outside the family’ into her hard enough to leave scars. Those nights alone had been a blessing and a curse. On one hand she knew that for one or two days she didn’t have to worry about trying to make herself invisible, didn’t have to worry about that night’s fight spilling into her room or being yanked out of bed at three in the morning to clean the entire house because someone left a dirty plate on the counter. On the other it had been terrifying to be alone in a strange place with strange smells, strange sounds and strange people.

The guys and Brass had been really great, staggering their breaks so that as one was leaving another was coming for several hours in the evening, and Sofia and some of the techs had even dropped by a few times. They also stopped by before and after their shifts to fill the time between Catherine’s visits. She was pretty certain the lithe blonde had something to do with their timing. Even though Cath hadn’t said anything she had surely picked up on Sara’s reluctance to be alone and taken steps to make sure someone was with her as much as possible.

Grissom, on the other hand, had so far kept to his promise to give her time and space and had stayed away. Sara knew she was going to have to talk to him sooner or later but she was leaning toward later, much later if she could help it. Deep down she didn’t want to hurt him but there was a tiny part of her that wanted him to know some of the pain he had caused her all these years. There was still this little bubble of anger over the fact that he had told a murderer that she wasn’t worth the risk of getting involved with. So much had cut her fragile ego to the core, but that one had had felt angry violent scars that she wasn’t sure would ever heal.

Sara was jarred out of her thoughts as the door to her room swung open. For just a second her spirits lifted and a smile lit her face until she realized that it wasn’t her blonde co-worker coming in but the dayshift nurse. The grin slipped a bit but didn’t completely disappear. She wasn’t the person the brunette wanted to see but at least she was company.

“Good morning Sara. How are you feeling today?” Alison Dean greeted the woman on the bed with a large smile before moving to begin taking her morning vitals. The long limbed brunette had quickly become her favorite patient. Although the woman had obviously been through something extremely traumatic she never complained about anything except wanting to go home, never demanded special treatment, never asked for anything really. In the four days she had been looking after Sara, she had brought the woman an extra blanket and two pitchers of ice chips. Her friends and family usually took care of whatever the brunette needed leaving Alison very little to do other than clean wounds and change bandages.

“Better, thanks.” Sara winced as the perky woman inflated the blood pressure cuff. She had to grit her teeth to keep from hissing until the tiny nurse was through.

Alison bit her lip in empathy. Having your pressure taken could be uncomfortable under normal conditions since the cuff had to be so tight to get an accurate reading but with the amount of bruising on the woman’s body it had to be incredibly painful for Sara. She had been surprised the first morning she had done it that the shy woman hadn’t said a word, just closed her eyes and waited for it to be over. “And where is that lovely partner of yours this morning?”

“She should be on her way. She had to take Lindsey to school.” The first time Nurse Dean had asked about her partner Sara had stared at her in confusion for a minute until Alison had prompted her with a description and she realized the short woman was talking about Catherine. She didn’t know where the woman had gotten the impression that CSI’s had fixed partnerships like cops but she hadn’t felt like explaining the difference and had simply let it go.

It also seemed as though the lively brunette had misinformed the entire nursing staff since that was how they all referred to her blonde colleague. She had to admit that if she was forced to work cases with only one person it would probably be Cath. The older woman challenged and complimented her in ways no one else did. Once upon a time she would have said Grissom, but now she didn’t even know if was going to be able to work with him at all.

“Oh she is such a cutie, gonna be a real heartbreaker when she’s older too. She really seems to be a wonderful girl, so polite and considerate. The way she was fluffing your pillow yesterday and fussing over you was just the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.” The first time Alison had seen the little girl, she had been sitting beside Sara while the brunette helped her with her homework and Catherine looked on with a huge grin on her face. They made such a beautiful family that the nurse couldn’t help but be a little jealous. She hoped that someday she found a man as devoted to her as the blonde was to her patient and that they had a wonderful child to share their lives with.

“She’s a lot like her mom.” Sara smiled at the memory. She had been sifting around on the bed, trying to get comfortable when Lindsey had told her to ‘stop fidgeting and lean up’. The girl had sounded so much like Catherine that she had complied without thought. The little blonde had adjusted her pillows and then scolded the brunette for not asking for help. She had been in ‘mothering’ mode ever since her first visit.

When Linds had come back into the room after Sara’s flashback and mini-breakdown, the girl had rushed to her side frightened that she had done something wrong. The brunette had stumbled and stuttered her way through a vague explanation of what had happened that in the end hadn’t made much sense but had gotten across to the child that it wasn’t her fault. Lindsey had accepted it with a skeptical look but hadn’t pressed the issue. Instead she had climbed back up on the bed and proceeded to regale Sara with talk of her school and her friends. It had been the longest and easiest conversation the introverted woman had ever had with a kid during her adult life.

“Oh I bet. I’m sure there were quite a few broken hearts the day you snagged Catherine.” Alison laughed as she turned to dispose of the gauze that had covered the brunette’s shoulder wound. She was sure a few hearts had shattered over the brunette as well, but kept that to herself so as not to embarrass Sara, although she was tempted just to see the woman blush again. The last time she had paid the woman a compliment her patient had turned as red as a vine ripened tomato.

The nurse’s odd comment caused Sara to frown in confusion. Why would she think that Catherine being her partner would break anyone’s heart? Alison didn’t even know how great a CSI the blonde was. It really didn’t make any sense to her. She was still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together when her doctor made his daily appearance.

“Good morning Ms. Sidle, Nurse Dean. Let’s have a look, shall we?” Dr. Kingsley checked the notes on the chart before he began probing the sight of the incision he’d made to repair the damage the bullet had made to Sara’s shoulder. “Well everything looks good, no sign of infection and you’re healing well. I think you’re ready to go home this afternoon, provided you have someone that can stay with you. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone until you have full use of at least on arm. I’ll want to see you next week to remove the stitches and set up some occupational therapy sessions.”

“Sara’s partner should be here shortly and I doubt Catherine will leave her alone for a second once she gets her home.” Alison provided as she began to put a fresh bandage on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Ah yes, your partner, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about her. You really should update your file. Since you have no next of kin we allowed her a little leeway with information and visitation but without the proper documentation she can not make any decisions regarding your medical treatment. If you have a domestic partnership agreement you should have it in your file or at the very least a power of attorney, I personally recommend having both. Now as soon as Ms. Willows arrives we’ll start working on your discharge papers.” Kingsley could tell by the look on his patient’s face that she was feeling properly chastised. He just hoped that she heeded his advice, with a job like theirs, there was always a danger that she or her partner could end up back in the hospital.

Sara was in such shock that she didn’t even notice the doctor and nurse leaving the room. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought that that was the kind of partnership the hospital staff thought she had with Catherine. It never even crossed her mind for a second that they all thought the blonde was her girlfriend. No, that wasn’t exactly right. Domestic partnership agreement suggested something deeper than just girlfriend. Holy crap they thought Cath was her wife! The brunette had no idea how they could have gotten that idea on their own, the only physical affection the blonde had ever showed toward her was a few kisses on the forehead and a hug or two. Someone had to have deliberately given them that impression. And there was only one person she could think of that could have or would have done it.

“Sara, yoo-hoo earth to Sara.”

Speak of the devil. “Hello dear, get Lindsey off to school okay?” Sara’s voice was sugary sweet as she greeted the blonde. She was going to have some fun with this.

Catherine frowned more from the unexpected endearment than from the strange tone. She had called Sara sweetheart and sweetie a number of times in the last week but the brunette had never once responded in kind. Something was off. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“Why would something be going on honey? I’m just asking my wife about our daughter?” Sara swore she could actually see a light bulb going on over the blonde’s head as realization hit her squarely between the eyes and she had to fight to keep the smile straining to get free under control.

“Oh, that.” Catherine felt a blush rising hot and fast up her cheat and across her face. She had thought she had gotten away with that little deception, had hoped that Sara would never find out about it.

“Oh yes, that. You know I don’t remember getting hit in the head but I must have if I forgot that we’re married. And whatever I got hit with must have been really heavy too since I don’t even remember us dating. So tell me Catherine, how in the world did everyone in this hospital get the idea that we are together?” Sara could see the fear and embarrassment on the blonde’s face but she wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easily.

“It was an accident, but they were telling me how you were and letting me see you so I couldn’t tell them that.” Cath hoped that this wouldn’t make the brunette reconsider staying with her. She should have told her about the mix up sooner, but she had been nervous as to how Sara would react.

“How do you accidentally tell someone you’re my wife?” Sara couldn’t wait to hear this story.

Even days later the memory of those fearful hours, not knowing if the brunette was going to live or die, was burned into Catherine’s mind so deep she doubted it would ever really fade. “I was terrified. I didn’t know if you were going to be okay and then the doctor called you my friend and I sort of lost it. I yelled at her that you weren’t, that you were more than that, and she took that to mean we were a couple. You had put yourself between me and a homicidal maniac, you got shot, you were willing to die for me. Friend just didn’t seem to be… enough. Once I realized how she had taken what I said, the doctor that treated you in the ER was giving me an update on your condition and I couldn’t correct the mistake. I needed to know if you were going to be okay, and that it got me the information. So I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off but I’m not sorry for taking advantage of a misunderstanding.”

Sara suddenly felt awful for teasing the blonde. If their situation had been reversed, the brunette knew she would have done the same thing. “I’m not mad. I just wish you had given me a heads-up so I didn’t look like a complete idiot. The first time the nurse asked me where my partner was all I could do was stare at her until she started dropping hints. Of course once I figured out she was talking about you, I was thinking partners like cops, not girlfriends.”

“So you’re not upset that everyone here thinks you’re a lesbian and married to me? Just that you didn’t know about it?” Catherine felt a need to clarify what the brunette had told her. Sara guarded her privacy like pit bull with a meaty bone.

“Catherine you are one of the most intelligent and beautiful women I’ve ever met. I doubt there’s one person on the planet that would mind if people mistook you for their wife.” As the blonde’s eyes widened at her compliment, Sara noticed that they had matching blushes rising up their cheeks. In an effort to deflect attention from her big mouth, the brunette rushed on. “I just don’t like people thinking I’m a complete moron. I’m sitting there doing an impression of a fish out of water while my doctor is scolding me about not having domestic partnership papers or power of attorney in my file. Of course he had a point. Without any family, if something happens to me there’s no one that can pull the plug.”

Not wanting to embarrass the brunette further, Catherine chose not to comment on the first part of her little speech. “What about a living will? If you had one in your files they’d have to follow whatever instructions you put in it.”

“I’ve thought about it but I think I’d rather have a living breathing person that I can trust to make the decisions for me if I can’t. I don’t want to end up drooling all over myself, being kept alive by machines while some stranger has to change my diaper. If there’s no hope that I’ll recover, I want someone to put me out of my misery.” Sara hadn’t really considered giving someone the power to make life and death decisions for her until the doctor brought it up. But now that he had an idea was taking shape in her mind and she hoped that the other woman would agree to what she wanted to ask.

“That’s a big responsibility. You would definitely have to have someone you could trust implicitly.” Catherine ran through the choices available and settled on Nick as the person Sara would most likely choose. The younger woman and Warrick weren’t that close, Greg was Greg, and once upon a time it might have been Grissom but that time was probably past. The brunette and the Texan had always had good relationship, even flirted a bit when she had first come to work with them. And Stokes was a solid guy, dependable, trustworthy; she could do a whole lot worse than having him look after her interests if she was ever in that situation.

“I know. That’s why I want you to do it.” Sara hardly dared to look at the blonde. It was a lot to ask of anyone, and especially of someone you could barely be civil to not two weeks ago, but things had changed. In the blink of a madman’s eye, their entire relationship had been flipped upside down. It had continued to evolve over the past week and now the brunette knew that the blonde was someone she could depend on in tough times, lean on during bad times and entrust her life to. Catherine had proved to her time and again that she believed in and trusted her, Sara wanted to know her that she felt the same.

Catherine felt her jaw drop. She hadn’t even considered herself in that role. The blonde had just assumed that Sara would want someone that she hadn’t had an indifferent and sometimes an antagonistic relationship with for most of their association. True they had bonded in a way that she had never thought possible, but then she had never stood beside someone and looked death in the eye either. Still, could she carry through if it ever came down to it? Could she actually end the younger woman’s life? Could she let her go even if that was what Sara wanted? “I’m not saying no, but I’m not saying yes either. There are a lot of things we need to talk about and I need to think about it.”

Sara was just as glad that Catherine hadn’t turned her down flat as she was that the blonde hadn’t accepted. It was a huge decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. “Well we can talk about it more this afternoon after we get to your place.”

“My what? They’re letting you out of here? Today?” At Sara’s nod, Catherine leaned over and lightly tapped the end of brunette’s nose. “You little brat, that should’ve been the first thing you told me instead of messing with me about the whole marriage thing!”

“Sorry dear.” Sara tried to look contrite but failed miserably as she smiled wide enough to show the gap between her teeth.

Catherine just barely managed to keep an answering grin off her face as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette. It was good to have Sara smiling and joking, even if it was at her expense. Of course that didn’t mean she was just going to sit there and take it. “Shut up.”

Seeing the smile trying to fight its way onto the blonde’s lips and the twinkle shinning in her crystalline blue eyes Sara couldn’t seem to help herself. “Yes dear.”

TBC